Wednesday, January 31, 2024

1/31/24

 Wednesday, January 31,  2024

In bed at 9:30, awake at 4:40 and up at 4:57.  Let Lilly out.  31°, high of 42°, sunny day ahead, wind W at 7 mph, 4-15/28.  Sunrise at 7:08, sunset at 5:02, 9+53/    

 Treadmill; pain.   Back, left shoulder, right wrist.  I see the doc at PM&R this afternoon.  Advice, relief???  8 p.m., 30:10 & 0.70, watching Irish Dail motion to join S. Africa in ICJ case re Gaza.

I'm grateful that I am able to walk.  I visited the VA again today and saw so many old vets in wheelchairs, as I always do.  My gait is unsteady, my balance is poor, and I often rely on one of my trusty canes for stability, but at least I am on my feet and for this I am grateful.  The photo is of a collection of wheelchairs outside the VA Medical Center, available for veterans who pull into the valet parking area at the entrance to the hospital.

VA PM&R Clinic.  I saw young Dr. Cheng again and, as was true the last time, my symptoms (sore shoulder and right wrist) were almost completely absent today.  Remarkable.  He refers me to Physical Therapy for the shoulder, prescribes an analgesic topical med for the shoulder and wrist, and put in an order for x-rays of both the wrist and shoulder.    

The Ruined House by Ruby Namdar is a novel I have started to read.  I am only on page 35 of this 500 page book but I have to close it because of my inability to focus on the printed words for anything othr than a short time.  Is this a dry eyes condition or presbyopia?  I need to start using the microwavable eye mask I bought at Amazon.   So far aat least, I am enjoying the novel.

Rules for the Ruling Class is a long essay in the January 29 print edition of The New Yorker by staff writer Even Osnos.  He discusses social class in America, elitism, status, and wealth inequality.  It reminds me of so many things, but primarily the lottery of birth and my favorite little poem of William Blake: ' Some are born to sweet delight, some are born to endless night.'  The essay begins and ends by looking at Tucker Carlson, his rise and fall.  Carlson's stepmother was an heir of the Swanson frozen food fortune.  His father, Dick, "was a California TV anchor who became a Washington fixture after a stint in the Reagan Administration."

As a teen-ager, Carlson attended St. George’s School, beside the ocean in Rhode Island, one of sixteen American prep schools that the sociologist E. Digby Baltzell described as “differentiating the upper classes from the rest of the population.” Carlson dated (and later married) the headmaster’s daughter. His college applications were rejected, but the headmaster exerted influence at his own alma mater, Trinity College, and Carlson was admitted. He did not excel there; he went on to earn what he described as a “string of Ds.” After college, he applied to the C.I.A., and when he was rejected there, too, his father offered some rueful advice: “You should consider journalism. They’ll take anybody.” Soon, Carlson was writing for the Policy Review, a periodical published by the Heritage Foundation, followed by The Weekly Standard, Esquire, and New York, while also becoming the youngest anchor on CNN.

 I think of Carlson's background and compare it with that of, for example, Donald J. Trump and Jared Kushner on the one hand and with the backgrounds of billions of other human beings on the planet not blessed with multi-millionaire parents and trust funds.  I think of the enslaver Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of Independence, and the fable of "all men are created equal." 

Excerpts from the essay:

The class divide was widening once more, and the greatest gap was the one separating Americans who could protect themselves with money from those who could not. Fussell quoted the working-class father of a man killed in Vietnam: “You bet your goddam dollar I’m bitter. It’s people like us who give up our sons for the country."

The crux of [Peter Turchin's] findings: a nation that funnels too much money and opportunity upward gets so top-heavy that it can tip over. In the dispassionate tone of a scientist assessing an ant colony, Turchin writes, “In one-sixth of the cases, elite groups were targeted for extermination. The probability of ruler assassination was 40 percent.” 

Under Franklin D. Roosevelt (Groton, Harvard), the U.S. raised taxes, took steps to protect unions, and established a minimum wage. The costs, Turchin writes, “were borne by the American ruling class.” Between 1925 and 1950, the number of American millionaires fell—from sixteen hundred to fewer than nine hundred. Between the nineteen-thirties and the nineteen-seventies, a period that scholars call the Great Compression, economic inequality narrowed, except among Black Americans, who were largely excluded from those gains.

But by the nineteen-eighties the Great Compression was over. As the rich grew richer than ever, they sought to turn their money into political power; spending on politics soared. The 2016 Republican Presidential primary involved seventeen contestants, the largest field in modern history.

Turchin ends his book [“End Times: Elites, Counter-Elites, and the Path of Political Disintegration.”] with a sobering vision. Using data to model scenarios for the future, he concludes, “At some point during the 2020s, the model predicts, instability becomes so high that it starts cutting down the elite numbers.” He likens the present time to the run-up to the Civil War. America could still relearn the lessons of the Great Compression—“one of the exceptional, hopeful cases”—and act to prevent a top-heavy society from toppling. When that has happened in history, “elites eventually became alarmed by incessant violence and disorder,” he writes. “And we are not there—yet.” 

Left undisturbed, the most powerful among us will take steps to stay in place, a pattern that sociologists call the “iron law of oligarchy.”  . . . Democracy is meant to insure that the élite continue to circulate. But no democracy can function well if people are unwilling to lose power—if a generation of leaders, on both the right and the left, becomes so entrenched that it ages into gerontocracy; if one of two major parties denies the arithmetic of elections; if a cohort of the ruling class loses status that it once enjoyed and sets out to salvage it. 

 The Concussion Files is a long investigative report in this morning's WaPo about the settlement between the NFL and former NFL players growing out of the realization that playing football and incurring repeated blows to the head can cause chronic traumatic encephalopaty - brain damage.  The story makes me glad that I swore off watching football on television years ago, not wanting my viewership to contribute in even a minute way to the enormous profits realized by NFL owners based on what they know is permanent brain injuries suffered by their employees, the players.


Tuesday, January 30, 2024

1/30/24

 Tuesday, January 30, 2024

In bed at 10:40, awake and up at 5:25.  36°, high of 37°, cloudy all day,  Wind NW a 10 mph, 6-11/18. Sunrise 7:09, sunset 5:00, 9+51.     

Treadmill; pain.  Normal waking-up pains: back, shoulder, wrist.  7:30 p.m., 20:00 & 0.41, while watching the concluding half of Chris Hedges' speech to a Muslim audience, 'The Death of Israel.'   

 I'm grateful for the Veteran's Administration.  This morning's WaPo has an article by Linda Searing entitled "Seniors spend the equivalent of 3 weeks a year on health care, study says: About 11 percent of people over 65 spend 50 or more days each year (nearly one day a week) obtaining routine health care"  I wondered what my statistics are for last year, 2023.   I had 53 engagements with the VA Medical Center, a tad more than one each week on average.  Some of them are arguably net medical, i.e., 4 or 4 podiatry visits for a pedicure.  Some of them were video appointment with my personal diabetes pharmacist who transitioned me away from Metformin, on to Jardiance/empagliflozin, and increased my Trulicity dosage for 1.5 mg. weekly to 4.5 mg.  Some were video meetings with my 'health coach' who provided advice about yoga, tai chi, meditation, acupuncture, etc.  Others required many hours, e.g., my visit to the ER in severe IC pain, my 'double dip' endoscopy & colonoscopy.  Others required at least, on average, 3 hours, counting travel time, wait time, and treatment/examination time, like visits to the Eye Clinic, the Physical Therapy Clinic, Urology Clinic, and semi-annual check-ups with my Primary Care physician.  Of the total 53 appointments, 40 required a trip to the VA Medical Center.The study also found that about 11 percent of people 65 and over spend even more time — 50 or more days each year (nearly one day a week) — obtaining routine health care away from home. The research was based on Medicare data from a nationally representative sample of 6,619 people 65 and older.  So the average for folks 65 and over is 21 days a week, actually only 17 days, the other 4 were for ER visits, nursing homes, etc.  My stats include 40 days (subtrackting the podiatry visits, 36 days) physically present at the VA, only one at the ER. That comes out to about 3 on-site visits every two weeks.   Add to that about 13 video visits.  It looks like I'm a rate-buster.  I am mindful of how fortunate I am to be enrolled in the VA health program.  What is the cost of all the medical assistance I receive at no cost from the VA?  I'm sure it is tens of thousands of dollars, especially when the cost of my medications are added to the total.  It's not entirely accurate to say that I receive the medical care and medications at no cost.  The VA charges my Medicare account, my Medicare Supplement insurer, and my Medicare Part D prescription drug insurer for my care and I am responsible for those insurance premiums, but I pay no deductibles or co-pays. (I've lost control over the font color and underscoring.  Rats!)

Decision on Lilly's 'miracle' arthritis injection.  After a little research on line about Librela and reviewing my notes on her behavior after receiving the first injection, the decision not to take her in for a second shot was clear:

LILLY AND LIBRELA

From DOGS NATURALLY:   Librela (Beransa) – Wonder Drug Or Disaster In The Making? BY Dr Edward Bassingthwaighte 

Last Updated: October 31, 2023

Other owners (in the Librela Experiences Facebook group) report much more serious adverse effects, including …

Lethargy

Drooling, shaking

Change in behavior, acting scared, hiding

Urinary incontinence

Refusing food or water

Diarrhea, vomiting

Ataxia, staggering, falling over

Hind end weakness, unable to get up

Kidney or liver damage

Seizures (new or increased)

Saturday, December 30, 2023 – daily journal entry

“In bed before 10, awake and up at 11 with Lilly in the bedroom with me, terribly agitated, pacing, heavy breathing, lying down and immediately getting up, moving to another spot, repeating the behavior.  I let her out but the behavior continued when she came in.  I stayed in the TV room until 2, mainly listening to her pacing which sounded clumsy.  Up around 8 wondering whether she may have been suffering a stroke and was dead, but she was like her old self, took a long walk around the property, came in for her treat and a long drink of water, and laid down.  Was it all the vaccines she received yesterday?”

Monday, January 1, 2024 – daily journal entry

“Lilly distressed?  6:20 a.m.  Something is wrong with Lilly.  She noisily clomped or stomped into the TV room from the living room, stood by my chair, walked backward a couple of steps and a couple of times, and then plopped heavily onto his mattress, not in her customary location, but rather on the very edge, leaning against the book cabinet, with her left front leg off the mattress.  Something is not right.  She lays her head down for a minute or two but then raises it again, unable to rest.  After some time, she fell asleep.  At 7:15, she got up and stretched and lay down in her favorite spot, on the carpet but abutting her mattress.  Crisis over?

    No.  At about 3:15 this afternoon, she had a similar distressing experience.  I let her out and she lay on the cold ground for 11 or 12 minutes before I lured her back inside with treats.  Something is definitely not right with her.  Back to the vet? “

Wednesday, January 3, 2024 – journal entry

“Lilly distressed.  Geri returned from the groomer's with Lilly in rough shape, her rear legs very weak.  We had to lift ther out out the Honda.  Grim.  Heartbreaking.”

Thursday, January 4, 2024 – journal entry

“Callback from the vet re: Lilly.  He says it looks like she injured her knee, which could have happened when we struggled to help her into the back of the Honda to go to the groomer's shop yesterday.  But that doesn't address the distress I witnessed and recorded in this journal a few days ago.”

Tuesday, January 9, 2024 – journal entry

“Lilly is having trouble with a lack of strength and control in her hind legs.  Very worrisome.”

Sunday, January 14, 2024 – journal entry

‘Another Lilly scare.  I got up to go to bed at 9 last night but Geri called to me that Lilly was in trouble again, couldn't stand up, again, and appeared to be in pain.  She called David who came over to help get her into a car to take to the Blue Pearl Pet Hospital.  By the time David arrived, she was on her feet and walking, even wagging her tail.  She went outside twice, the first time to no avail.  We are facing the grim reality with her.  We are probably unable to lift her or get her into or out of a car to take her to the vet's office or hospital.  Geri gets down on the floor and comforts her.  If I get on the floor, it's a struggle to get up.  I still call Lilly "Puppy" but she is 14 years, 3 months, and 1 week old.

She has been lying on the floor of the living room since I got up an hour and a half ago.  Ordinarily, she gets up when I get up and goes out to relieve herself.  Should I wake her up or let her sleep?  If I wake her up and she can't stand, what do I do?  I'll get dressed to be ready to take her to the emergency hospital if necessary. . . I just noticed she has an open sore on her left front elbow.  Is this from her struggles to stand up?”

Wednesday, January 17, 2024 – journal entry

“Took Lilly to the vet.  Slow proprioception, degenerative something or other, age-related.  Callous on her right elbow, needs lanolin to protect it from infection.”

Friday, January 19, 2024 – journal entry

“Lilly has been sprightly today,  but she stumbles when turning around.  Proprioception?”











Monday, January 29, 2024

1/29/24

 Monday, January 29, 2024

In bed at 9, awake and up at 4:47.  Let Lilly out but she came in without relieving herself.  28°, high of 39°, cloudy morning, sunny afternoon, wind is W at 7 mph, 6-13/24.  Sunrise at 7:10, sunset at 4:59, 9+48.    

Treadmill; pain.  Normal waking pains.  I wondered whether to lift my heavy robe off its hook using my aching right wrist or my aching left shoulder.  30:21 & 0.60  at 8 p.m., while watching the first half of another Chris Hedges speech to a Palestinian audience in New Jersey, title: The Death of Israel, referring to the death of Israel as a liberal secular society, especially after 1967 and the occupation of Gaza, the West Bank, and East Jerusalem.

I'm grateful to my wonderful sister, for the lifetime we shared until her death almost two years ago.  Last night, while half-watching a movie on Netflix, I cleared out what seemed like hundreds of text messages on my iPhone from Republicans seeking money from "Ken.  I.  When I got down to June 2021, I came upon an exchange of texts between me and her.  How I loved that woman; how I loved her even when she was a little girl, the youngest of we 5 cousins.  I have my Kitty candle lighted as I write this and think of her.  In June 2021 she was in home hospice care and struggling.  By August, her daughter Chrissy thought she was dying, she was so depressed and bedridden.  That's when I flew out to Phoenix to be with her.  My visit perked her up and she held onto life until March 3, 2022.  I didn't go out to be with her then; I didn't think I could handle the trip - the drive to O'Hare, the airports, the wheelchairs, boarding areas, getting on and off the plane, the long drive from Sky Harbor to Surprise, being there.  The August/September visit just about wiped me out though I'm certainly glad I made that last visit.  She died on March 3rd but I kept texting her every morning until March 21st, trying to hang on to our every morning, early morning conversations that meant so much to both of us.  Toward the end of her life, she couldn't reply to my daily messages, but Chrissi told me she still read them.  I feel tears welling in my eyes thinking of her, thinking of those last days.  I took the terrible photo of her on the sofa on August 27, 2021, during my last visit.  Kitty was too tired and weak to sit up.  The Lumex device framing her was her walker.  What a loss.

My last text messages to her:

March 1:  Good Morning, Sweetie -

    It’s been more than 2 months since I have heard from you and I know from Kelly and from Chrissi that you are weakening, so I feel almost silly and stupid still writing to you each morning about the trivialities of my life.  But your last communication to me was that you do expect and relish - is that too strong a word - my morning messages, so I continue to write to you, to my one and only, my “favorite” sister.  So I report that I am having a bit of a hard time emotionally dealing with this war in Europe.  It conjures up thoughts of Vietnam in me, of all the bombs we dropped on the people of Vietnam, of the “hooches” our guys set on fire, on the ‘forced relocations,’ on the “free fire zones” and all the murderous activities we - we Americans - engaged in during those years, and the knowledge that I was complicit in it - naively, stupidly, but nonetheless complicit.   For years I have worked my “dog tags” around my neck, the same dog tags I wore in Vietnam.   I’ve never known why I wear them, but I think I started wearing them - again - when George W. Bush and Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld  delivered their “Shock and Awe” show to the people of Iraq, the men and women and children of Iraq, like Putin is delivering, or about to deliver, his Shock and Awe show to the men, women, and children of Ukraine.  I feel so stupid, so naive, so complicit and guilty.  But even in my persistent feelings of sorrow I think frequently of you, my beloved Sister to whom I am spiritually and emotionally connected, my one and only, my dear, dear “favorite Sister.”❤️🙏❤️

March 2:  Good Morning, Sweetie - (copy of a Pickles cartoon)  Greetings from your favorite brother and from Earl and Opal Pickles, our mutual favorite cartoon characters.

    I went to bed early last night, not wanting to hear Biden’s State of the Union speech.  I don’t feel any personal hostility to him and actually like most of his governing politics, but I just can’t warm up to the guy personally.   There is something about him that just turns me off.  I probably need to be psychoanalyzed to find out why I’m so bothered by him.  The problem with going to bed early is that I wake up early, 2:30 this morning, actually climbing out of bed at 3, long day ahead.

     Geri went down to Milwaukee to visit her old friend Elise ****** yesterday.  She is trying to help Elise learn how to knit again, but she tells me it’s pretty much impossible.  Too impaired by her Parkinson’s disease.  God bless Geri for trying. Matthew 25, “I was sick and you cared for me . . .”

     Andy got a new job yesterday, doing legal compliance monitoring for a debt collection agency.  I hope it works out for him.  They also got the insurance claim proceeds for their stolen minivan, which they will use to get an old Lexus they own in running condition.  I should get my Volvo back soon.  It’s been 6 weeks without it.  Geri and I have managed very well getting along with one car, her Honda.

     The war rages on in Ukraine and it seems pretty clear that there is much, much suffering to come to the Ukrainians.  Millions of human beings suffering because of the wickedness of one man, Putin.  The televangelist  Pat Robertson, a lunatic in his own right, says “it’s all in God’s plan.”

March 3:  Good Morning, Sweetie -

     I spoke with Kelly yesterday.  I went to bed early last night, thinking of and praying for you.  I got up at 3 o’clock, still thinking of you and praying for you, as I am now.  A light is going out in my life and I acknowledge -if only to myself - I am forlorn.  Bereft.❤️🙏❤️ 

     I prayed for you last night and again this morning.  I’m lighting my Kitty candle, reminding me of our spiritual connection.  The Kitty candle in my heart is always burning.  ❤️🙏❤️

March 7:  Good Morning, Sweetie.

Good Morning, Sweetie,

     Well, I’m back again, wanting to start my day sharing a few thoughts with my favorite sister.  It just Thursday night that you went home to Mom and Dad and now it is Sunday mornng.  Friday was the first mornng in 5 or 6 years that I haven’t started out my day talking with you, in a bit of a brain and heart fog, ditto Saturday, but here I am again. 

I continued composing those morning messages until March 21.

Good morning, Sweetie -

     Monday, March 21,  Spring, at last.  Every day I grow more fearful of nuclear war between Russia and the West.  Disaster?  Catastrophe?  Armageddon?🥵🔥😱

     I swabbed some of the paint that David and Sharon gave me on the canvases they also gave me for Christmas.  Just to hold the brushes, wash the brushes, do something with paint, non-keepers.

     Woe . . . 

I knew of course that she was gone, but the early morning writing had become habitual with me.   On 7/31/22, I started this journal, a sorry substitute for my early morning conversations with my sister.

With our beloved cocker spaniel, Cookie.

I see the VA acupuncturist today.  I'll tell her about the longest, most debilitating problem, the IC/CPP condition, but also the shoulder and wrist problems and ask what she may be able to do.  , , ,  10 to 12 pins or needles stuck in me, but no noticeable effect.  I actually had more CPP after the procedure, but probably a coincidence.  Starting in March, there will be 6 treatments spread over 6 weeks.  Am I wasting my time and that of the practitioner?

  



Sunday, January 28, 2024

1/28/24

 Sunday, January 28, 2024

In bed at 9, awake at 2:20, unable to sleep with pain in my right wrist, hand, and forearm, thoughts of 'Moon' Mullen in Vietnam and Laos, minnows in the bait bucket of my head, up at 2:42 & let Lilly out.  35°, high of 36°, cloudy nigh & day ahead.  The wind is N at 13 mph, 6-14/23.  Sunrise at 7:11, sunset at 4:58, 0+46.  Solar noon at 12:04, altitude at 29°. 41° lower than at the summer solstice (70°).   

Treadmill; pain.  The right wrist pain has been daily since sometime before January 10, when I first mentioned it in this journal.  So @ 3 weeks.  I'm glad to be seeing PM&R on 1/31.  30:01 & 0.66 while watching the concluding parts of OVID's documentaries on Edward Said, "Out of Place".



I'm grateful for so much and to so many, thinking back on Wally Halperin and Ed Felsenthal and Brother Coogan and so many others, but my mind is unfocused today, unable to think and write amply or coherently.  Too much insomnia, or was it simply the wrist and arm pain, in the middle of the night?




Alan Jacobs in an interview in The Atlantic in 2017 about his book "How to Think":

I think the primary moral fault of the left is a kind of smug contemptuousness toward people who don’t agree. And I think that’s a bad fault. But the primary fault of the right at this moment in America is wrath. I worry about the consequences of wrath more than I worry about the consequences of contemptuous smugness.

Is that me, smugly contemptuous toward all those who disagree with me?

Conspiracy theories tend to arise when you can’t think of any rational explanation for people believing or acting in a certain way. The more absurd you think your political or moral or spiritual opponents’ views are, the more likely you are to look for some explanation other than the simplest one, which is that they believe it’s true.

One category that’s gone away in America is “wrong.” Nobody is just “wrong.” They’re wicked, they’re evil, they’re malicious, they’re the victims of these vast subterranean forces.

But sometimes we get things wrong, because politics is hard. Knowing the right policy in any case is difficult, because you’re having to predict the future and the variables are astronomically complex. But we want to believe that it’s obvious what to do to fix our social problems.

. . .

I also want to be aware of the ways in which a plea for civility can be a way of consolidating power. It’s pretty easy to be me in America. I grew up in pretty poor circumstances, and in a mess of a family. My background looks like the background of a lot of African American men, but I’m not African American. Once I learned how to talk a little better—once I didn’t sound like so much of a redneck—and dressed up a little bit, it was easy for me to overcome that. There really is a tremendous benefit to being white when you’re trying to rise in the social order.

AJ on blogging (12/4/2023):

The original blogs, or “web logs,” were just lists of links to interesting things a person had found on the nascent internet. But then – especially after the creation of the Movable Type web publishing software in 2001 – the blog became, for many people, especially those who didn’t aspire to journalism, a kind of online diary or journal. And while I don’t want to bring back the blogosphere, I definitely want to bring back the blog.

Now that the white-hot fire of Twitter is burning itself out, and its various alternatives (Threads, Bluesky, Mastodon) are generating merely gentle (or sputtering) flames, and TikTok (which is not a social-media site in any meaningful sense but rather a media-consumption platform) is still going nova, this is the time for people to rediscover the pleasures of blogging – of writing at whatever length you want, and posting photos, and embedding videos, and linking to music playlists, all on your little corner of the internet.

I often think about why I keep writing in this journal, exactly what is it I'm doing and why I am doing it.  Often I am simply blowing off some steam.  Sometimes I am simply trying to ascertain what my thoughts are, like Flannery O'Connor not knowing what she thought until she read what she wrote, and then rethinking what she wrote.  Sometimes I copy a favorite poem simply because I like the poem and writing it down in the journal provides me an opportunity both to enjoy it anew and to preserve a copy of it in my journal.  Sometimes I think that these 18 months of largely random entries in the journal reflect who I am at the end of a long life, for better and for worse, warts and all.  But so what?  There is no reason to think that anyone, other than I, will ever read what has become hundreds of typed pages of text, for I know that there are few narratives less interesting to read than another person's idiosyncratic journal.  "Dear Diary, . . ."  Very often I write simply to chronicle, without any consistent principle of selection,  some of the things happening in the world, in my personal and family life, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, the U.S., and the world.  Random, arbitrary choices.  Sometimes I write to reflect on my many failings, my sins; sometimes to blast the sins of others, especially of those in positions of power.  Perhaps mostly I write simply because what else would I do in retirement?  David Lowe plays golf, Dan Goldberg does cross-country cycling and skiing.  Many read, or knit or sew or do macraé or engage in volunteer work with charities.  Some poor souls watch hours and hours of network television 😰.  I spend much time writing words that won't be read, unless by me.  Maybe I'm doing it just to check on my cognitive decline and loss of executive function.  Perhaps a form of lunacy?  I think about this often, imagining after my death the printed pages of this journal ending up in a trash bag in a landfill or incinerator and the same kind of fate for the many drawings and paintings I have hanging on walls in my bedroom, in the basement, and in the tv room.  They will all end up trashed as will I and everyone eventually, burned or buried.  Memento, homo, quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris. . .  Sic transit gloria mundi.

 

 

 

Saturday, January 27, 2024

1/27/24

 Saturday, January 27, 2024

In bed by 9:15 and up at 5:50.  33°, high of 37°, cloudy all day. Dense Fog Advisory until 10 a.m. No wind ('gusts' up to 5 mph).  0.15" of rain in the last 24 hours. Sunrise at 7:12, sunset at 4:56, 9+44/

Treadmill; pain.  Waking pains are present but not so bad this morning.  0.00 & 0.00, a day off, very tired despite a decent's night's sleep.  Go figure. 

I'm grateful for my daughter and my son.  Sarah is in the States this past week and next on business and is spending the weekend with her mother.  I had breakfast  with her at Maxfield's at 8:30 and a long visit with her at home afterwards, marveling as I always do at her intelligence, her impressive competence in her profession of lighting design and computer competence, and in business management.  And in cooking, and in baking, and in knitting, and in sewing, and in crossword solving, and in languages, and in whatnot?  She will apply for and receive dual citizenship in a few weeks, German and American.  An extraordinary person.  As is her brother, who earned his law degree at age 50 while working fulltime and supporting his family in all ways, a remarkable feat I doubt I would have been able to accomplish. He is a remarkable husband and father to his three children, a constant source of admiration from me and pride to me.  I dealy love my stepsons, Steven and David, like their stepsiblings, incredibly intelligent, well-read, well-informed, quick-witted men with great values, hardworking family men, good to their mother and to me.  For each and all of them, I am grateful.

Watching Chris Hedges Report on UN failures and US complicity.  "For the US government, human rights are a political tool to wield against its adversaries, but r always there to defend the impunity of its perceived allies and friends.  In the international human rights program, the US is an outlier because of its opposition to most of the international human rights programs.  It's opposed to economic and social rights as rights.  It's opposed to the right to development.  It's opposed to the abolition of capital punishment.  It is the one state on the planet that is not a party to the Convention on the Rights of the Child.  Only the US, out of 193 countries, has not ratified that convention.  It opposes the International Criminal Court and it has even passed legislation, known as the Hague Invasion Law,  that if any of its people or its allies are indicted and arrested, it will invade the Netherlands to liberate them."  Not to mention our position on limitations on methods of warfare, like the land mine convention.  And how about our invasion of Vietnam?  and Iraq?  and Afghanistan?

The Perrenial Question: Is it good for the Jews or bad for the Jews?  Ruth Marcus' article in this morning's WaPo attacks the decision of the ICJ on South Africa's case against Israel for genocide.  I watched the delivery of the court's decision and have thought about it quite a bit.  I've concluded that the court's decision, 15-2 on most points and 16-1 on some, was a good one.  She argues that it is "a perversion of justice."   Marcus' arguments seem weak to me.

(1) She repeats what nobody denies, i.e., that Isreal has a right to defend itself.   No one, or virtually no one denies that.  Or that Hamas did not have a right to engage in the vicious barbarism of October 7.

(2)  She argues that Hamas' goals are genocidal of Jews: again, virtually no one disputes this.

(3)  She argues that "Hamas is responsible for the terrible scope of civilian casualties, having deliberately embedded itself within the civilian population in Gaza."  First, what militant entity would choose to locate its military facilities where they can be spotted and destroyed by a nearby hostile power?  Why did the U.S. develop and deploy U2 spy aircraft and fleets of nuclear[powered and nuclear-armed submarines?  Second, was it Hamas who dropped the bombs and fired the missiles that killed the women and children, or Israel?  When I kill a mouse that has 'embedded' itself in our basement, is it I who killed it or did the mouse kill itself?

(4)  She argues: "Keep in mind: None of this — none — would be happening were it not for Hamas."  Does that mean Israel is free to retaliate without restraint?  Without restrictions?  Without regard to moral or legal requiremnts?  Granted: Hamas' actions on October 7 started the war.  What is the relevance of that in terms of Israel's actions in the war?  Did we start the war with the VC and North Vietnam or did they start the war with us?  In either case, could Lt. Calley's actions at My Lai be excused?

(5)  She argues: "Israel has taken extraordinary steps to prevent civilian casualties and otherwise mitigate the suffering of innocents."  Who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?"

(6)  She argues: "If Hamas magically disappeared tomorrow, if Israel found its safety somehow assured, it would have no interest, none, in causing any harm to the civilian population."  I believe this is true of most Israelis, but is it true of the government of Netanyahu, Ben-Gvir, and Smotrich?  Is it true of the Religious Zionists with their belief that Palestinians are squatters on land that God Himself reserved for the Jews?  Or for the Nationalists with their desire for "Greater Israel" from the Nile to the Euphrates?  Who are in charge of the government and the IDF right now, peaceniks or the extreme rightwing in Israel?

(7)  She argues:  "The order focuses instead on a few statements by Israeli officials in the immediate aftermath of Oct. 7 that were inadvisable but fall far short of demonstrating genocidal intent — for example, Defense Minister Yoav Gallant’s statement, “We are fighting human animals.”  Of greater interest was Gallant's simultaneous statements "We have released all restraints" and "I have lifted all restrictions" and the subsequent near-saturation bombing of Gaza City.  

(8)  She argues:  "The problematic Israeli statements, [a sole dissenter]  said, were yanked out of context or misinterpreted, while the “official war policy of the Israeli Government, as presented to the Court, contains no indicators of a genocidal intent.”  Would we expect Netanyahu to announce publicly and officially that we intend to drive the Palestinians out of Gaza, into Egypt or wherever anyone is willing to take them?  Why am I reminded of Donald Trump on the Ellipse on January 6 urging the mod that he had summoned there, assembled there, addressed there, and lit the flame that resulted in the assault on the Capitol, to 'fight like hell' but "peacefully"?

(9)  She cited the dissenting judge, Israeli Aharon Barak:  "In comparison to the “scant evidence” of genocidal intent by Israel relied on here, he noted, the ICJ, investigating Myanmar’s treatment of the Muslim Rohingya, engaged in “meticulous collection of evidence over two years, which included 400 interviews with victims and eyewitnesses, analysis of satellite imagery, photographs and videos, the cross-checking of information against credible secondary information, expert interviews and raw data” before concluding that there was “plausible” proof of intent."  Surely Marcus realizes that the Myanmar evidence was, as she cites, collected 'over two years', i.e. after the provisional remedy stage of the case, where the South Africa-Israel case stands now.  Surely she realizes that the court, ruling 15-2, was in fact restrained when it found only that "at least some of the acts and omissions alleged … to have been committed by Israel in Gaza appear to be capable of falling within the provisions of the Convention.”

(10)  She concluded:  "What accounts for the different treatment of Israel? I can’t help but think it is the same one that necessitated the existence of a Jewish state to begin with."  Is she comparing the ICJ's decision with the Holocaust?  It's hard to believe that this statement comes from the pen of this Harvard Law School grad and generally very reasonable columnist.

I remember from years ago jokes built on what had been a perrenial questions among at least some Jews: Is it good for the Jews or bad for the Jews?  Thermonuclear war in the Middle East - is it good for the Jews?  This, that, or the other thing - good for the Jews or bad for the Jews?  "Is it good for the Jews' was the punchline of a lot of jokes.  The punchline has a bit of a nasty edge to it insofar as it suggests that all Jews have the same position on every issue, which smacks a bit of anti-semiticism: all Jews are alike.  It also suggests that Jews put their own interests above the interests of all others, which smacks of Jewish Supremacy.  Nonetheless, the question came naturally enough to Jews who knew of their long, long history of discrimination, mistreatment, oppression, and pogroms in Europe and elsewhere.  It seems to me to be the question that underlies just about everything major in Israel's history.  Was and is Zionism good for the Jews or bad for the Jews?   Was the founding of the Jewish state in Palestine good for the Jews or bad for the Jews?  Was the occupation of Gaza, the Sinai, the West Bank, East Jerusalem, and Golan Heights in 1967 good for the Jews or bad for the Jews?  Were the Camp David Accords in 1978 good for the Jews?  Was relinquishing the Sinai to Egypt good for the Jews?   Were the Oslo Accords in 1993 good for the Jews or bad for the Jews?  Was the assassination of Rabin in 1995 good for the Jews or bad for the Jews?  Was the ascendency of Likud and descendency of Labor good for the Jews?  Was the Camp David Summit in 2000 good for the Jews?  Was withdrawing from Gaza in 2005 good for the Jews?  Were the subsequent Gaza hostilities good for the Jews?  Is the current one?

I have to believe that what is happening now in Gaza is not good for the Jews, those in Israel and those in the diaspora.  Israel has been on a downslope since 1967 when it became an occupying power.  Its slide rightward became precipitous in 1995 with the killing of Yitzhak Rabin and the subsequent election of Netanyahu and his Likud allies.  I can't see a future that is good for the Jews, or for the Palestinians.  There is no "two-state solution" or a "one-state solution."  One must wonder whether the state of Israel was simply misbegotten, and ultimately, not good for the Jews.


Friday, January 26, 2024

1/26/24

  Friday, January 26, 2024

In bed at 9, awake at 1:50, unable to sleep thinking of cystoscopy, lesions, and fulguration, up at 2:20.  Let Lilly out at 2:30.  Raining, 35°, high of 37°, wind NNE at 10 mph, 3-11/17.  0.1" of rain in the last 6 hours, 0.2" expected in the next 24 hours.  Sunrise at 7:13, sunset at 4:55, 9+42.

Treadmill; pain.  I woke up with wrist pain thinking of more bladder procedures and the horrendous last one.  Around 2 p.m., 30:18 & 0.70 while watching today's episode of Democracy Now on YouTube, focused on the ICJ decision on Isreal/Gaza and The Chris Hedges Report interview of Ilan Pappé on Israel and the Palestinians.    

I'm grateful that the chronic and persistent pain that has developed in my wrist, hand, and forearm is in the right wrist and not the left.  If a similar condition were to develop in my left wrist, I'd be in trouble.  It's good to be left-handed when you have a verkrimpter right wrist.

À-propos of my gratitude note yesterday on classical education.  David Brooks has an excellent piece in this mornings's NYT: "How to Save a Sad, Lonely, Angry and Mean Society."  The answer, he says, is classical education, broadly conceived, not just in schools but throughout life.  Excerpts:

I confess I still cling to the old faith that culture is vastly more important than politics or some pre-professional training in algorithms and software systems. I’m convinced that consuming culture furnishes your mind with emotional knowledge and wisdom; it helps you take a richer and more meaningful view of your own experiences; it helps you understand, at least a bit, the depths of what’s going on in the people right around you.

I’d argue that we have become so sad, lonely, angry and mean as a society in part because so many people have not been taught or don’t bother practicing to enter sympathetically into the minds of their fellow human beings. We’re overpoliticized while growing increasingly undermoralized, underspiritualized, undercultured.

The novelist Frederick Buechner once observed that not all the faces Rembrandt painted were remarkable. Some are just average-looking old people. But even the plainest face “is so remarkably seen that it forces you to see it remarkably.” We are jolted into not taking other people for granted but to sense and respect the immense depth of each human soul

When I come across a Rembrandt in a museum, I try to train myself to see with even half of Rembrandt’s humanity. Once in St. Petersburg, I had the chance to stand face to face with one of his greatest paintings, “The Return of the Prodigal Son.” He painted this one at the end of his life, when popular taste had left him behind, his finances were in ruins, his wife and four of his five children were in their graves. I have seen other renderings of that parable, but not one in which the rebel son is so broken, fragile, pathetic, almost hairless and cast down. The father envelops the young man with a love that is patient, selfless and forbearing. Close observers note the old man’s hands. One is masculine, and protective. The other is feminine, and tender

 Though this painting is about a parable, it’s not here to teach us some didactic lesson. We are simply witnessing an emotional moment, which is about fracture and redemption, an aging artist painting a scene in which he imagines all his losses are restored. It is a painting about what it is like to finally realize your deepest yearnings — for forgiveness, safety, reconciliation, home. Meanwhile, the son’s older brother is off to the side, his face tensely rippling with a mixture of complex thoughts, which I read as rigid scorn trying to repress semiconscious shoots of fraternal tenderness.

These words made me think of myself as the Prodigal Son, made me think of my sins of omission and commission towards my parents, both my mother and my father.  With my father, thankfully I had time in his last years for repentence and conciliaation; with my mother I wasn't so fortunate.

When you go to the Museo Reina Sofía in Madrid, you don’t just see Picasso’s “Guernica”; forever after you see war through that painting’s lenses. You see, or rather feel, the wailing mother, the screaming horse, the chaotic jumble of death and agony, and it becomes less possible to romanticize warfare. We don’t just see paintings; we see according to them.

I saw "Guernica" many years ago when it was displayed at MoMA.  I look at photos of it now and think of Gaza and Ukraine, of American bombing of North Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia, of the "shock and awe" invasion of Iraq.  Mostly though I think of Gaza because Picasso's screaming horse reminds me of all the donkey carts we see in videos of fleeing Palestinians. 

This process of refining and expanding our internal mental models is not a dry, purely intellectual process. If we’re lucky, and maybe only in rare moments, it can be gut-wrenching and intoxicating, a fusion of the head and the heart. As my friend Arthur Brooks writes, “Think of a time when you heard a piece of music and wanted to cry. Or recall the flutter of your heart as you stared at a delicate, uncannily lifelike sculpture. Or maybe your dizziness as you emerged from a narrow side street in an unfamiliar city and found yourself in a beautiful town square; for me, it was the Piazza San Marco in Venice, with its exquisitely preserved Renaissance architecture. Odds are, you didn’t feel as if the object of beauty was a narcotic, deadening you. Instead, it probably precipitated a visceral awakening, much like the shock from a lungful of pure oxygen after breathing smoggy air.”

This paragraph reminded me of the times when I have felt my eyes well up while listering to a piece of music or watching a magnificent musical performance on television.  I used to wonder if I was just weird, but apparently I'm not the only one to have these experiences.  I think of Richard Strauss's Vier Letzte Lieder, and especially Beim Schlafengehen (When Falling Asleep),  Brooks' reference to "stand[ing] at a delicate, uncannily lieflike sculpture" reminds me of my trip to Rome with Mike Hogan, of visiting the church of Santa Maria della Vittoria and seeing Bernini's exquisite Saint Tereas in Ecstasy of St. Teresa.and the church of San Fraancesco a Ripa in lower Trastevere to see another Bernini masterwork, Beata Ludovica.  The two saints appear to be in physical rapture and we jokingly referred to the statues as Orgasm 1 and Orgasm 2.  St. Teresa is on the left; Blessed Ludovia is below.




From my notes from the trip Mike Hogan & I took to Rome in March, 1995:  

"I liked San Francesco a Ripa, but Mike wasn't too crazy about it.  It might have been the blue neon cross on top of the altar or perhaps the electric, Christmas tree lights halo around the lifesize  Madonna statute on the right side of the church.  But the church is small and colorful and warm-feeling and had Bernini's Orgasm II, more generally known as Beata Ludovica.  The statue is supposed to capture the nun in her death throes, about to meet her maker.  It appears that Bernini had a different sort of maker in mind when he sculpted the statue.

The Basilica of Santa Cecilia in Trastevere is very different from all the other churches we saw. . . . The principle artistic attraction of the church is (1) the statue of the body of the beheaded St. Cecilia as it was found in the catacombs centuries ago, with its head turned backwards  and (2) the scavi beneath the church . . 

My last fulguration was performed by Eliot Silbar at the Rawson Avenue Surgery Center in Franklin.  Was it 10 years ago?   I arrived on a Monday morning at the appointed time in severe pain from my Hunner's ulcers, desperate to be anesthetized for the procedure.  Unfortunately, the facility's oxygen tank system had developed a leak over the weekend. Dr. Silbar and the anesthesiologist were unwilling to proceed without a supply of oxygen in case it was needed.  I lay in the pre-surgery prep room for what seemed like an eternity in intense pain, waiting for oxygen tanks to be delivered from wherever hospitals get their oxygen.  No pain relief from either Silbar or the anesthesiologist.  At some point, the oxygen was delivered and I was wheeled into the OR and put under.  When I regained consciousness, I was still in serious pain, hooked up to an IV morphine drip, with a nurse monitoring my blood pressure and controlling the drip.  My blood pressure would decrease with each infusion and the next infusion wouldn't be released until my blood pressure rose to some desired level.  Even with the morphine I was in pain, distressed that it was being 'rationed.'  I had no control over my left arm (or was it both arms?), which kept rising up from the gurney and waving about.  I don't remember how the ordeal ended, whether I fell asleep or passed out or what, but eventually Geri picked me up and took me home.  It was a terrible experience.  When I asked Dr. Silbar at our next appointment what had happened, he gave me a brush-off answer.  That was the end of our relationship.  I still shudder thinking of the experience and it causes me to hesitate to agree to another fulguration though I suppose I will.  I should know whether there are lesions inside my bladder and whether I am at risk of reliving the severe pain I lived with so long before the 3 fulgurations Silbar performed.  That pain had me engaged in "suicidal ideation" for months, considering how I could pull it off masquerading it as an accident.  A terrible time in my life.

Missed VA appointment.  Podiatry.  Because of sleepless night?  Embarrassing, making me wonder again about executive function and cognitive decline.

ICJ decision on genocide case against Israel.   I watched on YouTube the president of the ICJ, American Joan E. Donohue,  deliver the court's decision declining to order a cease-fire, as requested by South Africa but ordering Israel to take steps to prevent its IDF from engaging in acts of genocide and from making statements inciting acts of genocide.  Israeli officials say the court went too far; Palestinian supporters say it went not far enough.  Israel's fascist government will presumably ignore the court's decision.  South Africa will probably seek enforcement from the Security Council.  What will Biden/the U. S. do?  Another in a long line of vetoes?





Thursday, January 25, 2024

1/25/24

 Thursday, January 25, 2024

In bed around 9, awake at 5:22, au at 5:35.  33°, high of 37°.  DENSE FOG ADVISORY until noon. 0.3" of rain expected.  Little wind, NE off the lake.  Sunrise at 7:14, sunset at 4:54, 9+39.    

Treadmill; pain.  Woke up with normal mid-back, left shoulder, and right wrist pain plus some neck pain that went away upon rising.  At 1:30, 31:21 & 0.75 watching the 1st part of an interesting OVID documentary on the bio of Edward Said, his early life in West Jerusalem under English protectorate, Cairo under English hegemony, and Lebanon, where his family spent their summers in the mountains above Beirut.  After the family moved to the U.S., Edward went to Princeton & Harvard, having won the lottery of birth into a rich family.

I'm grateful.   For a long time now, I have reflected on how fortunate I was, and am, in having an old-fashioned education, both in high school and in undergraduate school.  Challenging courses in the natural sciences and mathematics but also courses in classical and modern languages, history, philosophy, and especially literature.  Of course, I have forgotten most of what I learned and most of what I learned had no clear and immediate usefulness in my work life.  But what that copious exposure and engagement with the richness and complexity of life provided me was some sustaining and illuminating framework, some lenses through which to see life as I have lived it from the beginning of World War II until now, a period many will view, rightly or wrongly, as encompassing the rise and fall of the American Empire and the American Experiment.  To whatever extent I haven't fallen prey to some of the pernicious falsities that besiege all of us and which so many of our fellow citizens have come to embrace, to that extent I thank my high school teachers and my liberal arts college education so many years ago.  I'm especially grateful to my English language and literature teachers, from Mr. Bly in my 1st year at Leo H.S. and Brother Coogan in my last year to Professors Pick and Parr and Father Bruckner at M.U.  




VA visit today.  It looks like I'm in for a cystoscopy looking for lesions inside my bladder and, if there's one or more, fulgeration.  I'm thinking back to my last fulgeration, the unbearable pain beforehand, the severe pain afterwards, and the morphine drip with the nurse monitoring my blood pressure and controlling the drip, and me not able to control my arm movements.  A real nightmare.  Was it the fault of the anesthesiologist or the urologist?  I stopped seeing the urologist after that experience. 





Thinking of Ukraine and Gaza.  I am reminded of an essay on war that James Boswell wrote in 1777: 

"Were there any good produced by war which could in any degree compensate its direful effects; were better men to spring up from the ruins of those who fall in battle, as more beautiful material forms sometimes arise from the ashes of others; or were those who escape from its destructions to have an increase in happiness; in short, were there any great beneficial effect to follow it, the notion of its irrationality would be only the notion of narrow comprehension. But we find that war is followed by no general good whatsoever. The power, the glory, or the wealth of a very few may be enlarged. But the people in general, upon both sides, after all the sufferings are passed, pursue their ordinary occupations, with no difference from their former state. The evils therefore of war, upon a general view of humanity are as the French say, à pure perte, a mere loss without any advantage, unless indeed furnishing subjects for history, poetry, and painting. And although it should be allowed that mankind have gained enjoyment in these respects, I suppose it will not be seriously said, that the misery is overbalanced."

 Looking at America in 2024,  this old man thinks of two pieces of literature:

Deuteronomy 28:34:  The sights you see will drive you mad.

Raskolnikov's dream in Crime and Punishment:  

"He had dreamed that the whole world was doomed to fall victim to some terrible, as yet unknown, pestilence spreading to Europe from the depths of Asia.  Everyone was to perish except for very few chosen ones.  Some new trichinae had appeared, microscopic creatures that lodged themselves in men's bodies - spirits endowed with reason and will.  Those who received them became possessed and mad.  But never had people considered themselves so intelligent and unshakeable in the truth as did these infected ones.  Never had they thought their judgments, their scientific conclusions, their moral convictions and beliefs, more unshakeable.  Entire settlements, entire cities and nations would be infected and go mad.  Everyone became anxious and no one understood anyone else; each thought the truth was contained in himself alone . . .  they did not know whom or how to judge, could not agree on what is evil, what is good, whom to accuse, whom to vindicate."

Crime and Punishment published in Russia in 1866, 158 years ago.  Was Dostoevski prescient?

Journaling.  One advantage of journaling while vacationing is that my journals can remind me of my tendency to be a jerk years after I've unabashedly demonstrated it.  In May 2000, Geri and I were in Ravenna, Italy, where we had dinner al fresco at the Ristorante Bella Venezia.  During dinner, I remarked how great our server was and how the other server looked kind of like a trollop, skirt too short, decolletage too plunging, heels too high, etc. Our bill came to 114,000 lire, in those pre-euro days.  I left what I thought was 120,000 lire but in fact left 210,000 lire, about $45 too much.   The chianti or the late hour or the nighttime outdoor lighting led me to leave two 50,000 lire bills instead of the two 5.000 lire bills I thought I was leaving, along with the 100,000 and 10,000 lire bills.  We learned of my mistake when we were about a block away from the restaurant and around the corner from it when one of the servers ran us down on the cobblestone street to tell us we had left too much money.  She literally ran after us, over cobblestones, shouting "Signore, signore!", wearing that short skirt and those high heels I had just been disparaging.  "You paid too much."  To make matters worse, I didn't have the proper currency to give her the 120,000 lire I intended, or the 114,000 lire exact amount of the bill.  She insisted on taking only 110,000 lire.  So the "trollop" I had been looking down my nose at ended up giving back the small tip we left and knocking 4,000 lire off the bill. I appropriately felt 6 inches tall and painfully humbled. In browsing that entry in my journal I was reminded of some favorite lines from "The Great Gatsby":  "Reserving judgments is a matter of infinite hope.  I am still a little afraid of missing something if I forget that, as my father snobbishly suggested, and I snobbishly repeat,  a sense of the fundamental decencies is parcelled out unequally at birth."  As between the two of us, she had the lion's share.  I've never forgotten her goodness, or what a jerk I can be.

Re: Trump's immunity case:  Will today's Supreme Court remember or care about Justice Brandeis' wisdom in Olmstead v.  United States?  "Decency, security, and liberty alike demand that government officials shall be subjected to the same rules of conduct that are commands to the citizen. In a government of laws, existence of the government will be imperiled if it fails to observe the law scrupulously. Our government is the potent, the omnipresent teacher. For good or for ill, it teaches the whole people by its example."  Will the majority cite this iconic quote?  The dissents?


The courage that my mother had
Edna St. Vincent Millay

The courage that my mother had
Went with her, and is with her still:
Rock from New England quarried;
Now granite in a granite hill.

The golden brooch my mother wore
She left behind for me to wear;
I have no thing I treasure more:
Yet, it is something I could spare.

Oh, if instead she’d left to me
The thing she took into the grave!—
That courage like a rock, which she
Has no more need.


The 1960s and the 2020s.  My Facebook posting on May 31, 2020:

Sixty-five years ago this summer, over a period of 6 days, the Watts neighborhood in south central Los Angeles was engulfed in riots that started when an African American resident was arrested for suspicion of DUI.  The California Highway Patrol arrested him and claimed he resisted.  Six persons died, more than 1,000 were injured, and an estimated $40,000,000 in property was destroyed, mostly by fires.  I read about it in Vietnam where I was 'making the world safe for Democracy' by playing a bit role in killing people and destroying property in South Vietnam, North Vietnam, and Laos.  Not surprisingly, that experience (and many others over many years) resulted in a deep cognitive dissonance in me that in turn resulted in a deep skepticism and indeed cynicism.  But as hard as the 1960s and 1970s were, from the Kennedy assassination in 1963, the assassinations of Dr. King and Bobby Kennedy and the Democratic Convention in 1968, to the Americans and Vietnamese being airlifted off the roof of the American Embassy in Saigon in 1975, there was reason to harbor hope.  The Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Voting Rights and Medicare acts of 1965, and many beneficial pieces of legislation passed during the Nixon Administration (Clean Air Act, Clean Water Act, National Environmental Policy Act [EPA], OSHA, etc.) provided reason to believe that the Nation was addressing its vital challenges.
     I was young then.  I am old now and I find myself missing those terrible days in the 60s and early 70s when, notwithstanding all the challenges, there was reason to believe, not naively, that we were making progress in forming a more perfect Union, establishing Justice, insuring Domestic Tranquility, and promoting the General Welfare.  Alas.

 



Good Bones 

Life is short, though I keep this from my children.
Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine
in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways,
a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways
I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least
fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative
estimate, though I keep this from my children.
For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird.
For every loved child, a child broken, bagged,
sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world
is at least half terrible, and for every kind
stranger, there is one who would break you,
though I keep this from my children. I am trying
to sell them the world. Any decent realtor,
walking you through a real shithole, chirps on
about good bones: This place could be beautiful,
right? You could make this place beautiful. 

Some years ago, I sent this poem to my beloved sister.  I remember that she thought it was terribly depressing and I thought it was encouraging in its last lines: "This place could be beautiful, right?  You could make this place beautiful."   I thought Maggie Smith was suggesting that,t to some extent at least, it is within our own power to make life beautiful.  I think there is some truth in that though I don't forget the truth in William Blake's poem: Some are born to sweet delight, some are born to endless night.  The lottery of birth.  Some rise above the terrible circumstances they are born into, but others can't.  All in God's plan?  What kind of a God condemns some to 'endless night'?