4/8/24

 Monday, April 8, 2024

Lights out at 10 leading to a fractured, painful, unrestful rest.  I let Lilly out twice during the night.  41° at 6 o'clock, high of 62°,  clear skies today, wind SSE at 10, 5-15.27.  Sunrise at 6:20, sunset at 7:27, 13+6.

Pain, etc.  I'm feeling blue this morning, wondering how long I can live like this.  Just about every night and every morning I deal with crippling joint pain, struggling to get out of the recliner, to walk, or to lift a cup of herbal tea.  The left shoulder pain extends down my upper arm.  The right wrist/hand pain extends up my lower arm.  It usually gets better by mid-morning, but the nighttime and early morning hours are a challenge.  I lay on my bed last night for about 1/2 hour but didn't get under the quilt and top sheet, from which it is hard to extricate myself when I need to tend to my bladder.  I was right on the mattress's edge and concerned about falling off.  I couldn't get comfortable with my arms/shoulders/hands so I got up & repaired to the BL.  I stayed away from the LZB because of concern that I wouldn't be able to handle the lift lever with my painful right hand/wrist situation and might get trapped on it.   

The pains increased in the evening and night,suggesting a rough night ahead.  Geri helped me on with my robe.  In a brief conversation earlier, we agreed that if it weren't for her, I would need to live in an Assisted Living facility.  I couldn't live on my own.  This is a daunting acknowledgment.  I said to her that we are at 'an inflection point' in our lives and need to sit down and review my 'death dossier' to review what is in it and what, if anything, needs to be added.

I'm grateful for this warm, sunny but very windy day.  I've been hearing birdsongs predawn lately but can't identify them yet.  I havent been able to use my Merlin app.  I look forward to being able to sit on the patio in the early morning when the temperatures get warmer.  I notice the buds on the berry trees on our north lawn.  It feels like Spring today rather than Winter.   

Almost full eclipse of the sun this afternoon.  We'll watch on TV.  

Unsere Mütter, Unsere Vӓter, Generation War. I watched episode 1 of 3 this afternoon.  Titled "Our mothers, Our Fathers" in German, the series was quite controversial when released in Germany in 2013.  I couldn't help but notice that the attitude of many Germans in the drama towards Jews matched the attitude of many Israeli Jews towards Palestinians.