5/31/2025

 Saturday, May 31, 2025

D+185/130

1900 US troops arrived in Beijing to help put down Boxer Rebellion

1912 US Marines landed on Cuba

1921 A large-scale race riot broke out in Tulsa, Oklahoma, later described as the worst incident of racial violence in American history with 150-300 African Americans killed 

1969 John Lennon and Yoko Ono recorded "Give Peace a Chance" in a Montreal hotel, during their second 'bed-in' for peace;

In bed between 7:30 and 6 p.m. because of recurrent dull pain around my right kidney, and up at 4:25 with that pain resolved, but both hips aching, along with a stiff lower back.  By 5 a.m., the kidney area pain is starting to return.  I nodded off and fell back to sleep for perhaps more than an hour, waking up near 7.

Two years ago today, I was journaling about the 3,000 sexual abuse cases filed against the Catholic Church in California, including the Diocese of Santa Rosa, where I interviewed for a job as Director of Communications.  I included a page from my 'Life in the Age of Covid' watercolor sketchbooks.

Eye drops at 4:45 a.m. and 4:15 p.m.   I see Dr Saladi on Thursday for my 4-week post-op check-up.

Life in America.  In Sendik's yesterday, I chatted with an Army veteran of the Vietnam war.  He noticed 'Vietnam' on my baseball cap but not 'Marine  Airwing', and chided me, good-naturedly, about being a Marine rather than a soldier.  He had been 'in country' for exactly one year in 1969, about 3 or 4 years after me.  It reminds me of how long that g-d war continued long after it was clear to everyone that it was futile and a waste of tens of thousands of American lives and hundreds of thousands of SE Asian lives.  At the end of our chat in the cookies aisle, he mentioned to me that he has a nephew who moved to New Zealnnd because he was so unhappy living in America,   I was about to respond that it wasn't too hard to understand that feeling, but I realized that the chances were at least 50-50 that the fellow was a Trump supporter, a MAGAman.  He wasn't speaking sympathetically of his nephew's expatriation, but critically, or at least bewilderly.  I wonder whether one's attitude toward life in America has become a bit like one's attitude towards abortion, politics, and religion, a topic to avoid bringing up in polite company, so I mumbled something meaningless and we went our separate ways.

Food for thought.  I pay attention to the journalist Ezra Klein.  He has both smarts and wisdom.  Today I watched his show in which he interviewed The New Yorker writer Kathryn Schulz, author of a 2022 book, Lost and Found: A Memoir.  There was much food for thought in their discussion, and I may watch the podcast again, but today I'm focused on the part of the discussion in which Klein said the following:

One of my most inconvenient belliefs is about the world is that we know too much about it, and that the human mind is not meant to be stretched over this much threat and danger and tragedy at all times.  I work in the news.  My show is part of this dynamic I'm about to describe, but the news can seometimes be an engine for finding and bringing you whatever is going to most upset you, that is happening literally anywhere on Earth exactly at that moment . . . I think probably the healthy medium was to be able to pick up a newspaper once a day and find out about terrible things happening elsewhere and important things happening elsewhere and sometimes wonderful things, but less often wonderful things happening elsewhere.  As opposed to being with your kids in the park and your phone buzzes and it's just something terrible that you cannot affect.  It's not happening to anyone you know and you definately don't have power over it, but somebody somewhere thought it would grab you to know about it.  It both make you aware of suffering but also, I think it has some other quality, some numbing and exhausing quality that is not healthy.

I think of that Vietnam veteran I chatted with in Senkik's yesterday and his complaint or bewilderment over his nephew who kissed off living in America and moved to New Zealand.  He didn't say where in New Zealand he moved to, whether an urban or a rural area, nor how the nephew was supporting himself there, or what it is about life in America that he found so intolerable, but it wouldn't surprise me if at least part of what he wanted to escapte from was what Klien described, constant exposure to terrible news about which one can do nothing.  There is much more about curent American culture, including politics of course, that can make one feel like the man on the bridge in Edvard Munch's The Scream, but Klein has put his finger on a significant cause of modern misery, the daily awareness of human suffering, of death and destruction, about which we can do nothing.  Klein says it tends to make us numb and exhausted, but I suspect it's even worse.  It coarsens us and makes us indifferent to the suffering of others. After a while, it becomes boring.  We can become like Donald Trump when he says of the Ukraine War or the Gaza War, as he did before professing to be concerned about the slaughter in those places, "it's not my problem."  Or, as J. D. Vance said to Steve Bannon during his campaign for the Senate, "I gotta be honest with you, I don't really care what happens to Ukraine one way or another."  The hard question, for Ezra Klein and the rest of us, is what to do about this dystopian situation we live in, especially we relatively highly-educated, highly-informed individuals who religiously follow 'the news.'

I suspect I may be thinking more and writing more about this discussion between Kathryn Schulz and Klein.

The Federalist Society is not loyal enough for Trump.  In a Truth Social post yesterday, he called Leonard Leo "a sleazebag:"

“I am so disappointed in The Federalist Society because of the bad advice they gave me on numerous Judicial Nominations. This is something that cannot be forgotten!  I was new to Washington, and it was suggested that I use the Federalist Society as a recommending source on judges.  I did so, openly and freely, but then realized that they were under the thumb of a real ‘sleazebag’ named Leonard Leo, a bad person who, in his own way, probably hates America, and obviously has his own separate ambitions.”

He has also reduced the role of the American Bar Association in reviewing judicial candidates for integrity, professional competence, and judicial temperament.  Attorney General Pam Bondi said in her letter to the ABA that Mr. Trump’s second-term nominees would not be instructed to sign waivers, nor would they fill out questionnaires or sit for interviews. 

In MAGALand, loyalty and subservience are not only the highest values and virtues, they may be the only values and virtues, although cruelty, vindictiveness, and vengeance should be included.   Ave, Caesar, moituri te salutamus!  Do or die. L'etat, c'est moi.  Anyone who is not loyal to and subservient to Trump is a nothing at best and "a sleazebag" or "scum," and probably a "sucker" and a "loser," someone to be held in contempt by members of MAGALand.

5/30/2025

 Friday, May 30, 2025

D+184/129

1431 Hundred Years' War: 19-year-old Joan of Arc was burned at the stake by an English-dominated tribunal in Rouen, France

1912 US Marines were sent to Nicaragua

1965 Viet Cong offensive against the US base Da Nang began

2023 400 leading AI industry experts signed a letter warning, “Mitigating the risk of extinction from AI should be a global priority” 

2024 A jury in New York City found Donald Trump guilty on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records

In bed before 10, awake at 3, and up at 3:30, unable to sleep, with thoughts of past relationships, and Brandi Carlisle's "Everytime I Hear That Song' earworming me.    53°, high of 73°, faux summer.  I put a load of laundry in the washing machine and emptied the dishwasher.

LTMW  The cardinal couple are on the tray feeder by 5:15, just as the sun rises.  Our red-bellied woodpecker starts his day working on the orange above the tray feeder, while a robin works the ground down below.  The day begins, and I'm thinking about a nap.

Brandi Carlile.  I'm a big fan.  One of the reasons is this song, "Everytime I Hear That Song," which she wrote with her longtime collaborators, Phil and Tim Hanseroth.  Phil is also Brandi's brother-in-law, having married her younger sister, Tiffany.  They all reside in homes on Brandi's land in the State of Washington, home state of all of them.  Brandi is a lesbian and has been married since 2012 to Catherine Shepherd, with whom she has two daughters.

A love song was playing on the radio / It made me kind of sad because it made me think of you

And I wonder how you're doing, but I wish I didn't care / Because I gave you all I had and got the worst of you

[Chorus]

By the way, I forgive you / After all, maybe I should thank you

For giving me what I've found / Cause without you around

I've been doing just fine / Except for any time I hear that song (Ooh)

And didn't it break your heart / When you watched my smile fading?

Did it ever cross your mind / That one day the tables would be turned?

They told me the best revenge / Would be a life well-lived

And the strongest one that holds / Would be the hardest one to earn

[Chorus]

When I woke up in the morning / I was choking on some words

There were things unsaid between us / There were things you never told

That's twice you broke my heart now / The first was way back when

And to know you're still unhappy / Only makes it break again.

(Chorus)

Carlile and other songwriters are poets, and the ones who sing their own songs (and others') are troubadours. It was great that Bob Dylan was awarded the 2016 Nobel Prize for Literature.  Power to the people!  I admire and appreciate so many great songwriters and lyricists, and probably many not-so-great ones.  I love old pop classics, with Sophisticated Lady at the top of my list (lyrics by Mitchell Parish, born Michael Hyman Pashelinsky), followed by hundreds of others.  I love country and western classics, written by poets named Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn, Hank Williams, and Willie Nelson.  Unlike so much of what is passed off as modern poetry, the poetic lyrics of these songwriters are meant to be understood by everybody, Joe Lunchbucket and Betty Babuska.  It's poetry about love and loss, God and Man, betrayal, addiction, heartache, homelessness and restlessness, loneliness, family and friends - the most basic elements of life.  The poems are meant to be sung, not read, and heard, hopefully by men and women who will be moved by them as Brandi Carlile sings "any time I hear that song."  We have a perfect marriage of lyrics and music, the emotional pull or punch of the song is irresistible, as it is with Sophisticated Lady and, thankfully, so many other great songs/poems.  As I write these words, I think of the tribute Brandi Carlile gave on the death of her friend John Prine, singing his sad, simple, and beautiful song, Hello, In There.  I think too of another sad, simple, and beautiful song that I always associate with war and the loss of friends, My Buddy.  I am powerfully moved by powerful poetry, like Yeats's Vacillation, and Whitman's Come Up From the Fields, Father, Kenyon's Otherwise, and Maggie Smith's Good Bones, and no less moved by powerful songs, poems in their own right.  I am surprised by how easily I am emotionally moved by music in my old age, much more than when I was younger.  Any orchestral concert or ballet performance involving the concerted efforts of a great many people will do it, but so doew watching the 2021 "Official Music Video" of Janis Joplin's Me and Bobby McGee, not only because of her great recording of Kris Kristofferason's great song but also becasue of its reminder of her death, for which I can't come up with a fitting adjective.

5/29/25

 Thursday, May 29, 2025

D+183/128

1916 US Marines invaded the Dominican Republic, staying until 1924

1954 Pope Pius XII issued a holy declaration canonizing former Pope Pius X as a saint 

In bed at 9, awake and up at 4:50.  54°, high of 64°, sunny on and off.   

Prednisone, day 379; 1 mg., day 21/21; Kevzara, day 3/14; CGM, day 12/15; Trulicity, day 7/7.  Last day on prednisone.  Other meds at 7 a.m.  Eye drops at 7 a.m. & 7:30 p.m., Triamcinolone 7:30 a.m.   

Old man chills.  The thermostat in the house is set at 72°, day and night.  I was cold most of the day yesterday.  I wore sweatpants, an undershirt, my heavy, blue plaid shirt, and my green fleece (?) outdoor vest in the house, all day, and slept with the plaid shirt on.  When Jimmy Aquavia was living up the road, he would have to dress warmly when he was with us for dinner and some visiting.  He was in his mid-80s and kept his apartment at Newcastle Place in the high 70s.  When I visited my Dad in Florida during the winter months, he too kept the temperature in his little cinderblock home in the mid to upper 70s. He was in his upper 70s and low 80s in those years.   Now it's my turn.

LTMW at a busy morning at the bird feeding station.  I replaced the oranges and immediately attracted an oriole.  The birds that are most attracted by the oranges, however, are not the orioles, but the catbirds,  the red-bellied woodpeckers, and the house finches.  I also brought in the hummingbird feeder to change the nectar, but I can't unscrew the bottle from the plastic gizmo through which the hummingbirds feed.  

I was pleased to see the lawn service guy spraying our lawns this morning.  I'm guessing he was spraying herbicides, pesticides, and fertilizers.  The lawn was in very bad condition after this past winter, lots of dead patches as a result, I suppose, of Lilly's urine.  As much as I dislike the brown patches, I would gladly accept more of them to have Lilly back in our lives.

It's impossible to choose a favorite sight looking through my window, the one next to my recliner, that is.  I enjoy watching the neighbors walking or jogging by or riding their bicycles or pushing baby buggies or strollers or pulling children in wagons or trying to keep up with kids on scooters.  I enjoy seeing my neighbor Ghasson and his beloved bull mastiff Athena.  They each walk with a sort of measured, majestic gait, and Ghasson is very patient when Athena chooses to sit down on County Line Road or on Wakefield Court and to stare at what? nothing?  Some neighbors get impatient with their dogs when the dog's desire to sniff some fragrant 😜 grass or soil, tug on their leash, and remind the poor pup who's the boss, but not Ghasson.  He stands and waits until Athena has accomplished her mysterious purpose.  Concerning the birds at the feeding station, I try to make a point of not favoring one kind of bird over another, half-remembering C. S. Lewis' comment in his autobiography about "the pernicius tendency to compare and prefer" and Mary Oliver's line in When Death Comes, "I think of each life as a flower, as common as a field daisy, and as singular."  I admit, however, to getting especially excited when I see a very occasional eastern bluebird, or a flock of cedar waxwings, and even when the gray catbirds appear.  If we were visited by indigo buntings, I'd probably be breathless.  Having said all that, I must also admit that I do have a favorite sight LTMW, which is watching the finches and sparrows filling their beaks with cotton nesting materials from the big cotton ball stuffed on top of the niger tube.  I think that both males and females engage in nest building.  They stuff their little beaks so full of cotton that it looks like they would not be able to see through it to navigate back to and land on their nests, but nonetheless, like Elizabeth Warren, they persist.😜  I get a big kick out of watching their diligence, their sense of mission and purpose.

Such a creature of habit.  I drove Geri over to the Audi dealer on Brown Deer Road to pick up her car after it had been serviced.  On the way back, I drove along Upper River Road in River hills, admiring the mansions and the great estates, wondering who lived in these places and wishing, as I do every time I drive this route, that my sister Kitty were with me to see these places.  Every time I take a long drive on the country roads north and west of Milwauiee, admiring the farmhouses, barns, silos, sheds, and farm fields, I wish my Dad were with me to share the enjoyent.  Every time I drive through Milwaukee's old neighborhoods, admiring the homes and stores and old factory buildings, I wish Steve were with me to share the enjoyment.  Kitty and my Dad are gone, and Steve lives 100 miles away.  I am thankful that I still get great enjoyment from these drives and only wish I could share them.  Sometimes I wish I had a three-wheeled motorcycle or a motorcycle with a sidecar so I could easily pull off to the side of whatever wonderful road I am on and leisurely enjoy the view and perhaps take photos, without impeding traffic, but that's not in the cards.  A cycle is out too because of balance challenges, i.e., the lack of balance.  I'll focus on being thankful for my 4 wheel, sturdy Volvo.  On my earlier drive through River Hills, I drove past the lovely little cemetery on Range Line Road, exciting my taphophilia.

 

Fooling around with the gouache paints that have been boxed up unused for a couple of years, and, on the top piece, with a graphite pencil and blender stump/tortillon.

Thoughts on today's anniversaries.  The history of the United States and of the missions assigned to the United States Marine Corps should instill in us a bit of modesty, if not of shame, when we start casting aspersions on imperialism or aggression of other countries.  As noted historian and ethicist Donald J. Trump reminded Bill O'Reilly back in 2017: “There are a lot of killers. You think our country’s so innocent?”   Those who mistakenly believe that the U.S. is so innocent need to read Marine General Smedley D. Butler's 1935 book, War is a Racket.

Re Pius XII's declaring that Pius X was (is) a saint in heaven enjoying the Beatific Vision,  I am reminded of the 1906 encyclical Vehementer Nos promulgated by the Pope Sain Pius X, in which he said: 

The Scripture teaches us, and the tradition of the Fathers confirms the teaching, that the Church is the mystical body of Christ, ruled by the Pastors and Doctors (I Ephes. iv. II sqq.) - a society of men containing within its own fold chiefs who have full and perfect powers for ruling, teaching and judging (Matt. xxviii. 18-20; xvi. 18, 19; xviii. 17; Tit. ii. 15; 11. Cor. x. 6; xiii. 10. & c.) It follows that the Church is essentially an unequal society, that is, a society comprising two categories of per sons, the Pastors and the flock, those who occupy a rank in the different degrees of the hierarchy and the multitude of the faithful. So distinct are these categories that with the pastoral body only rests the necessary right and authority for promoting the end of the society and directing all its members towards that end; the one duty of the multitude is to allow themselves to be led, and, like a docile flock, to follow the Pastors. 

Maybe Donald Trump should try some variation on this theme in his arguments about the Unitary Executive Theory in the Supreme Court, but with the president as the One and Only insead of the Pope.  Personally, as one of "the multitude," I'm not so inclined " to allow [myself] to be led, like a docile flock."

5/27/2025

 Tuesday, May27, 2025

D+181/126

2012 A NATO airstrike in Afghanistan killed a family of eight, including six children

In bed before 10 and up at 5.  49°, high of 61°, cloudy day.  Morning mystery: the shepherd's crook supporting the suet cakes is pushed/pulled over to a 45° angle.  Deer?  Squirrels?😳   Turns out its supporting leg broke off, 

Prednisone, day 377; 1 mg., day 19/21; Kevzara, day 1/14; CGM, day 10/15; Trulicity, day 5/7.  Prednisone at 5:13 a.m.  Other meds at 6:50 a.m.  Eye drops at  5:30 a.m. and 5!10 p.m.

Geri returned from Kate's at 2:45 this afternoon, a 5 hour drive with one stop.

Shame, shame.  From today's Washington Post, At Veterans Affairs, plan for sweeping cuts tanks morale." by  Meryl Kornfield and Lisa Rein.

VA Secretary Douglas A. Collins has signaled plans to shrink the agency’s workforce by 15 percent — or about 83,000 employees. Although agency officials insist front-line health-care workers and claims processors will be spared, the vague and shifting details of the Trump administration’s downsizing plan have only fueled anxiety and speculation within VA’s massive workforce.

The uncertainty is already taking a toll.

Thousands of employees across VA’s health and benefits systems have opted for early retirement in two waves, which would pay them through Sept. 30 to get them to leave, according to internal data reviewed by The Washington Post. Many of these employees said they are opting to leave out of fear that they would be laid off anyway. . . . 

In response to questions from The Post, VA spokesman Peter Kasperowicz pointed to problems in the agency that have existed for years.

“During the Biden Administration, VA failed to address nearly all of its most serious problems, such as benefits backlogs, rising health-care wait times and major issues with survivor benefits,” Kasperowicz said in a statement. “The far-left Washington Post refused to cover these failures because it would have made the Biden Administration look bad.” 

With almost 500,000 employees, VA is the second-largest federal agency behind the Department of Defense and is in charge of providing health care to more than 9 million veterans through 170 VA medical centers and 1,193 outpatient clinics. In recent years, VA’s budget and workforce have grown significantly — in part to accommodate the PACT Act, which caused disability claims and enrollment in the health-care system to surge.

Many people involved in planning the reductions have been required to sign nondisclosure agreements, leaving details about the looming cutbacks unclear. Some familiar with the plans said initial cuts will target the agency’s central office, steps from the White House, where 19,000 people work administering the Veterans Health Administration, the Veterans Benefits Administration and the National Cemetery System.

But that would still leave tens of thousands of jobs at hospitals and clinics under threat of future cuts. Collins — under pressure from his workforce, Congress and veterans groups — has attempted to quell concerns by saying that he’s seeking alternative cost-cutting measures in addition to layoffs and might not need to reach the initial proposal of 15 percent. 

I mailed the Poblocki contract this afternoon.  $$$$ 

Off center today and don't know why, ever more conscious of my age and failing resources.     

5/26/2025

Benedetta Monday, May 26, 2025

D+180/125

Memorial Day

1945 The US drop firebombed Tokyo

1966 A Buddhist set himself on fire at US consulate in Hué, South Vietnam

2004 NY Times published an admission of journalistic failings, claiming its flawed reporting and lack of skepticism during the buildup to the 2003 Iraq War helped promote the belief that Iraq possessed large stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction

2018 Ireland voted to repeal their 8th Amendment to allow legalized abortion, 66.4% voting yes

In bed at 9:45 after falling sound asleep in the recliner, up at 5:45, 43°, high of 59°, another sunny, pleasant day. 

Prednisone, day 376; 1mg., day 18/21; Kevzara, day 14/14; CGM, day 9/15; Trulicity, day 4/7.  Prednisone at 6 a.m.  Other meds at  7:45 a.m.  Triamcinolone at 9:30  a.m.  Eye drops at 6:15  a.m. and 8   p.m.   

Exchange of texts with Geri,  last night and this morning:

Hi,

Going to sleep now, it’s 9:38 pm.

Kate and I went to two garden nurseries as I mentioned in my earlier text. To my delight the nursery had 25% off all perennials. We had dinner when we got back to Kate’s then went through Kate’ closet checking out clothes.

I’m planning on coming home on Tuesday, not only do I want to try at least to miss holiday traffic I do need to rest! Although we planned a quiet day for today walking thru the nurseries ogling every plant we both were pretty bushed by the time we got back to Kate’s. It was great fun though.

It was overcast and almost rainy today. Not the warm weather I anticipated.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

It sounds like you two are having a great and exhausting Springtime adventure and I’m happy for both of you!  It seems wise to leave on Tuesday and I hope you succeed in getting some rest today.  I have finished all the chili and most of the pea soup

And the Mac and cheese and may treat myself to a holiday dinner out this evening.  I love you dearly, Sweetie and look forward to your homecoming.♥️💓❤️🥸    

I may drive over to West Bend via Gravel Road outside of Newburgh and Pioneer Road, and maybe up to Holy Hill and/or the Town of Erin.  That is, if I’m up to it. 

Mixed feelings on Memorial Day and Veterans Day.   My Facebook posting today.

I made my regular Memorial Day weekend visit to Wood National Cemetery yesterday.  It was all decked out with its normal 35,000+ flags in front of each gravesite and scores of larger flags all along the driveways, but it was quiet on the day before Memorial Day, only two other cars plus mine.  This morning there were thankfully many more  people there for the ceremonial speeches and statements of gratitude for the veterans buried there, especially those 'who gave all.'  I have to admit to mixed feelings about Memorial Day (and Veterans Day.)   I very much appreciate the recognition of the service of those who did, and do, serve and I recognize that there are a great many other persons who serve though not in uniform, not only folks like the employees of the Veterans Administration, but also the the mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, wives, husbands and children of service members.  We should salute all of them who provide such vital support to service members as well as the men and women in uniform.  On the other hand, I regret the flag-waving by those who consider those in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, and Marines "suckers" and "losers," and by those who wrongfully and shamelessly avoided military service during a time of armed combat and made someone else serve in their stead.  I regret the ruthless  cuts that are being made to the VA and to services like Medicaid that assist that help so many veterans and their families, and I regret the staging of any grand military parade that will waste milllions of dollars that could be put to more humane uses, require thousands of military men and women to march only to satisfy an insatiable ego, and will remind many only of Red Square, Tiananman Square, or a production staged by Leni Riefenstahl.

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”  He chortled in his joy.  My text to Geri this afternoon.

Hi, Sweetie.  I just arrived home after a magnificent drive in the country.  I’ll just mention the highlights.  I covered all of beautiful Maple Road between Cedar Creek and Cedar Sauk Roads north of Grafton.  It’s the road Dan Goldberg alerted us to, very hllly, beautiful homes, crabapple trees and lilac bushes full of blossoms.  Then I traveled the entire length of Pleasant Valley Road from County O in Grafton to its terminus at Arthur Road, southwest of Little Cedar Lake, where I went next for my first pit stop and great memories of fishing there with the kids and grandkids, including Peter catching his first fish.  There have been a lot of changes since I was last there.  Then I skipped stopping at the Mayfield Garden Center, though I was sorely tempted to see whether they might have a Cuban Oregano, and drove into West Bend and onto Pioneer Road, the gorgeous Rustic Road, onto Wausaukee Road and Gravel Road to County Y in Newburgh and past the Riveredge Nature Center.   NoNo’s is not NoNo’s anymore, (something like “The Traditional Supper Club.”. On Pleasant Valley Road I passed The Jailhouse Restaurant where you and I, and my Dad had dinner one night, up on the second floor, making me fear for my Dad’s ability to negotiate the stairwell.  Then I drove dpwn St Finbar Road to the St. Finbar Cemetery where I enjoyed my second pit stop ‘en plain air’ before driving down Shady Lane Road past the big Opitz dairy farm due west of our house on Deerfield, down County O and onto Deerfield Road, where I see the mailbox for the house across from our old house still says “Carters” on it, making me wonder whether Barb and her hubby are still living there.  Then I stopped at Walmart to pick up some sunflower seeds for the birds before driving home.  I left at 10 and got back almost exactly 3 hours later, at 1.   I was happy as a clam all morning, enjoying the great scenery, beautiful home, rolling farmlands, great trees, everything I saw, and thinking, as I always do on these jaunts, how wonderfully beautiful Wisconsin is, including Ozaukee and Washington counties.  I miss living out ‘in the middle of nowhere’, but I’m glad we are still so close to ‘nowhere.’😍  When I left I had put a load of laundry in the washing machine and connected by external drive to my laptop for a backup, both of which were done when I got home, my version of multi-tasking.😋  I  hope you and Kate are resting up after your busy day yesterday and that you’ll have fair weather tomorrow for your drive home.  Plese let me know when you leave and when you hope to arrive home.❤️💕❤️ 

I had the thought that always comes to me on my long, leisurely, slo-mo drives through Ozaukee, Washington, and Sheboygan counties: how can anyone expect the people who live 'out' here to vote Democratic?  The Democratic Party, and its office holders and candidates, have become too closely identified with racial and other minorities, with higher taxes, and with wide-ranging government regulation.  Unlike urban and suburban residents, the people living on these country roads are not living cheek-by-jowl with neighbors.  They rely on private wells for their water and on septic tanks for their sewage.  What they do on and with their land rarely directly affects their neighbors' land or property value.  They are often individually responsible for dealing with their waste, either through private collection and disposal contracts or by personally taking their waste (and recyclables, if any) to the town dump.  They live in privileged circumstances, largely free of the many restrictions that attend and often burden urban and suburban Americans.  In the main, they are not Black, Brown, Asian, or Indigenous.  They are not gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or transgender.  They are not poor.  They are not immigrants.   In the main, they fall outside the identity-constituencies, the protection of whose interests is seen as the stock-in-trade of the Democratic Party.  They may admire or loathe Donald Trump, but they find so little to draw them to the Democrats that Trump (and other Republicans) get their vote almost by default.  It's hard for me to see this situation changing in my lifetime.  Since 2016, I have been harsh in my judgment about those who vote for Donald Trump, even though I know their numbers include some good friends and family members.  The more I think of it, however, the more I think I am suffering from TDS, Trump Derangement Syndrome, i.e., that my fear and loathing of what Trump means for our country is so intense that I have overlooked the political sterility of the Democratic Party for millions of American voters, 77 million of them in 2024.  I place most of the blame for this on the Bill and Hilary Clinton effect, although Obama and Biden have surely contributed to it, each of them having been succeeded by a Trump presidential victory.  Where do we go from here?  It looks grim.

Benedetta.  It's sorta fun to bandy about what is the worst movie ever made, or at least the worst that I've ever seen.  When any given movie gets in the running, it's usually so very bad that its title is quickly forgotten.  Most movies are pretty crappy so a movie has to be considerably worse than pretty crappy to vie for the prize as the worst movie ever made (or seen by me.)  Yesterday and today I watched in two sittings the movie Benedetta by Paul Verhoeven, who already made a candidate for this title, i.e., Showgirls, a real stinker.  I watched it for 2 reasons.  First, it deals with hypocrisy and corruption in the Church and the strange relationship of sex and religiosity.  Second, it features Charlotte Rampling in a starring role, which suggested to me that it might have some redeeming social value, despite Verhoeven's role in its provenance.  Conclusion: though he had a lot to work with in Church history, human nature, religious quackery, sex and religiosity, etc., and despite Charlotte Rampling's participation, the movie is in the running for the worst movie ever made, or at least the worst that I've ever seen, or the movie idea that had the most to work with and did the least with it.  I wonder whether it may become one of those classic bad movies that become a cult favorite after a few years because it's so egregiously badly done while showing the most gratuitous full frontal and full backal😁 female nudity.  Why in the world is Charlotte Rampling in this flick? 

5/25/20t25

 Sunday, May 25, 2025

D+179/124

1787 Constitutional Convention opened at Philadelphia, with George Washington presiding

1961 JFK announced US goal of putting a man on the Moon before the end of the decade

2020 George Floyd was murdered by a Minneapolis police officer

In bed at 9:40, awake at 5, and up at 5:15.  42°, high of 58°, sunny day ahead.

Prednisone, day 375; 1 mg., day 17 /21; Kevzara, day 13 /14; CGM, day  8/15; Trulicity, day  3/7.  Prednisone at 5:30 a.m.  Other meds at 6:45 a.m.  Triamcinolone at 11:15 a.m.   Eye drops at 6:10 a.m.,  p.m., and  p.m.    

Email exchange with Pip:   On Friday, May 23, 2025, I wrote:

Hi, Sweetie.   I had warm thoughts of your Dad today when I watched a story on CNN about Project Benjamin replacing Latin cross gravemarkers in Europe with Stars of David for the Jewish soldiers who lost their lives in World War II's European Theater.  I remember your Dad telling of his fear over the possibility of being captured by the German forces during the war.  I remember too of learning of his memoir and wonder now whether knowing of his memoir writing is what prompted me to write one of my own.  I gave a copy of my memoir to each of my children and to my dear siser and I still find myself referring to it often when I get to reminiscing in my daily jjournal.  I so much liked and admired your Dad and wish he were still with us.Emoji (I can say the same of you, by the way.)

Yesterday, Pip wrote:

That is so sweet of you, Chuck. I'm truly touched. Especially if my Dad's memoir inspired you. Coincidentally, we had a couple over for dinner last night that wanted to see my Dad's memoirs. I know that most of his mementos should be in a museum but I can't relinquish them yet. 

Not sure if he told you that he actually was captured briefly - less than 24 hours, but it was his mistake that led his patrol into a German camp and cost the lives of some of his fellow soldiers. He repressed that memory for almost 50 years and then when it came up in a dream and he verified that it was true (meaning being able to prove it to others. He believes it was repressed because it so horrified him and he felt crushing guilt). 

Then after he wrote what happened so he didn't forget again, he decided to write the complete memoirs. I think it was very healing for him and I think it's wonderful that your family has your wonderful writings and legacy. I'm sure they will treasure it and it's great that it still gives you pleasure.

You are special to me; I feel lucky to know you and can't wait to see you this summer. Love always,

Pip

 

 This morning, I wrote back:

Hi, Sweetie.  Thank you for your kind words and thoughts, and for sharing more information about your Dad.  Your email triggered more thoughts in me than you could have imagined when you wrote them.  Here is a small section from my memoir:

"When a military person works in a technical support role such as I had in Vietnam, he or she doesn’t experience directly the lethality of the enterprise he or she is supporting, at least not on a regular basis.  We didn’t see dead people on the receiving end of the missions we kept track of.  We didn’t hear screaming or crying.  We never heard moaning or whimpering of grievers.  The Americans were bombing day and night, 7 days a week, weather permitting.  We bombed targets in the I Corps region of South Vietnam; we bombed targets in North Vietnam; and we bombed targets in Laos, although this fact was never admitted officially.  Our pilots had rules of engagement and I believe that for the most part those rules were obeyed (at least during the early phase of the war when I was there) so there would not be wanton killing of civilians.  But even in the best of circumstances, dropping bombs, especially from high altitudes, is an imprecise operation, and “collateral damage” is always a problem . . . For us back at the air base, away from the target areas, life could and did easily become a matter of routine, of regularly rotating watches, of greasy Spam sandwiches every third night, and of Black Label and Blackjack on the other nights.  Being such a small cog on such a large and lethal killing machine, it becomes easy to avoid thinking in terms of any personal responsibility for the suffering and loss that are the inevitable consequences and indeed the very purposes of modern warfare.  Front line troops don’t share this immunity.  The closest I got to feeling a direct responsibility for the deaths of others occurred one afternoon when I was completing one watch as Senior Air Director and another crew was coming on for the next.  A long distance bombing mission over North Vietnam by F4 Phantom jets had been scheduled and then scrubbed, just as the watch was changing at the TAC Center.  The mission was to be refueled by C-130 tankers in the air off the North Vietnamese coast.  Somehow in the transition from one watch crew to the other, the word never was sent to the tanker to return to DaNang, that the bombing mission was scrubbed.   As the tanker maintained its post waiting for the F4s, it was shot down.  The entire crew were killed.  If they had been notified of the cancellation of the bombing mission, they would have been ‘out of harm’s way’ and alive.  The circumstances were such that no one was blamed, no culpability was found.  But we all knew that that loss of life never should have happened.  Those Marine aviators were dead and someone fucked up; we all fucked up.  Whether the primary fault lay with the fighter squadron that cancelled the mission or with us at the TAC Center, with my crew that was being relieved or the crew that was taking over, the tanker should have been notified of the cancellation and the crew members should not have died, at least not on that mission and not as the result of a snafu.   I was a part of it all and knew I bore responsibility for those deaths.  I have never forgotten it.  I feel responsibility and remorse to this day."

That was 60 years ago.  Beyond the SNAFU that led to the deaths of those C-130 crewmen, I've come to feel remorse and responsibility for the whole damned Vietnam War, not that I caused it in any direct way, but that in my ignorance and complacency, my naive assumptions about the intelligence, wisdom, and good intentions of our American government,  I and millions of other Americans played along, went along, 'did our duty,' followed our leaders, and inflicted unmeasurable death, destruction, pain, and suffering on millions of Vietnamese, Laotians, and Cambodians, and on Americans as well, the 58,000 killed and hundreds of thousands wounded, physically, morally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I felt it especially when Russia invaded Ukraine when I came to realize that, from the perspective of the Vietnaese and of the rest of the world, we invaded Vietnam, despite all the "happy horseshita spouted by LBJ, Robert McNamara, General Westmorland, and the rest, and I was a part of it.  We all were.  Maybe now, with Trump twice elected, we have a clearer understanding of the un-holiness of our government, after LBJ, Nixon, Clinton, the Bushes, Trump, Iraq, and Afghanistan.  And maybe not.  In any event, I very much appreciate the short time I got to share with your Dad, and, thakfully, the longer time I have shared with you.

     

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

 

 

5/24/2025

Saturday, May 24, 2025

D+178/123

1983 The Supreme Court ruled that the government can deny tax breaks to schools that racially discriminate against students

2020 The New York Times printed its front page with nearly 1,000 names of people who have died from COVID-19, as the US toll nears 100,000

In bed at 9:30, awake at 4:11, and up at 4:23.  43°, high of 57°, mostly clear.  A waning crescent moon in the east, 11% visibility, Venue to its right, highly visible, or is that Saturn?  Sunrise at 5:19, 60° NE.

Early morning birdage:  The first bird to show up at the feeding sttion was a house finch, gender unknown, on the safflower/sunflower tube at 5:13.  Then the hummingbird(s) and a catbird on the suet cake, seeming to prefer the dwindling old cake to the new one I put out yesterday.  Then a male cardinal on the flat feeder and a red-bellied woodpecker, again on the old suet cake, ignoring the fresh one.  Lots of hummingbird action at dawn.  Gloriosky! At 5:41, we are visited by a male rose-breasted grosbeak on the flat feeder.  Then a flood of house finches and a catbird arrive for some orange juice, and, finally, a downy woodpecker shows up to dig into the fresh suet cake.  At 6:05, three white-tail deer amble across our lawn, and two more do the same across our Mequon neighbors' lawn.  At 6:15, a cardinal couple stand side by side on the flat feeder, and he passes a seed to her. The catbirds have set up shop here to stay for the season.  In the afternoon, the oriole returned to feast on an orange.  The catbirds seem to enjoy the oranges even more than the orioles.

Prednisone, day 374 ; 1 mg., day 16/21; Kevzara, day 112/14; CGM, day 7/15; Trulicity, day2/7.  Prednisone at 4:51 a.m.  Other meds at 7:45 a.m.  Eye drops at 5:30 am..  p.m.  and p.m.   Triamcinolone at 5:30  a.m.   Yesterday morning,  I sent this message to the ophthalmologist who performed my cataract surgery on the 9th:  "Dear Dr. Saladi: Please forgive me for adding to your busy schedule with what seems like a silly problem, but here it is. I have been having a lot of trouble with the moxifloxacin eye drops. I keep missing my eye and having to use two or more tries to hit the target. I don't have this problem with the prednisolone. I think the reason for the difference is that the plastic container of the moxifloxacin is so stiff or rigid, and my hand and finger strength is so weak that my hand shakes when I struggle to squeeze the little bottle. In any event, I suspect I am going to run out of the drops before I complete the regimen. If this is not a problem, I don't need any help. If it is a problem, I'm going to need a refill, which I could pick up at the Zablocki pharmacy. Thanks for any help you can provide, and sorry I'm such a klutz."  She called me yesterday afternoon when I was at Sendik's and told me to stop taking the moxifloxacin but to continue taking the prednisolone. which I am happy to do.  

An amusing coincidence.  Two years ago on this date, my journal related that I was working on "my project of clearing up the rat's nest around my TV room recliner.", the same project I've been working on since Geri left for her visit with Kate and Tuz.😋  I'm reminded of the several occasions when Father Mathew would come in for our afternoon visits at the House of Peace and find me muttering "One of these days, I;m going to get organized", to which he invariably replied, with his gentle smile, "Don't count on it."😀 

 On the other hand, one year ago, newly emerged from my weeks of suffering the pains and loss of functionality from PMR, I wrote a fairly long, fairly thoughtful (for something written probably between 3:30 and 5:30 in the morning) reflection on suicide.   It wasn't the first such reflection and probably won't be the last.   

My predawn posting on FB, sharing a post about the cancellation of Harvard's ability to educate foreign students:  

Do you ever wonder whether we have a MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE running our government, out to  destroy our relationships with people and nations that have long been our friends?  Out to destroy our most valued institutions?  Out to turn the 'land of the free and the home of the brave' into the land of the cowering and the home of the craven?  Red alert!  SOS! All hands on deck!  Mayday, Mayday, Mayday!

Despite my wish to shield myself from emotional outrage, I've been reading about the Trump administration's investigations, document demands, and existential assault on Harvard University.  It's mind-boggling, hard to believe, unimaginable in a free society, but nonetheless it is happening before our eyes, shamelessly.  I wonder why no one, to my knowledge at least, is using the term "police state" to describe the situation.  We keep reading and hearing about "authoritarianism," which strikes me as about the least descriptive, least forceful, and least adequate way of describing what is happening in our country.  "Police state," "dictatorship," and "fascism" are the most appropriate descriptors.   Wikipedia describes a police state as

A police state describes a state whose government institutions exercise an extreme level of control over civil society and liberties. There is typically little or no distinction between the law and the exercise of political power by the executive, and the deployment of internal security and police forces play a heightened role in governance. A police state is a characteristic of authoritarian, totalitarian or illiberal regimes (contrary to a liberal democratic regime). Such governments are typically one-party states and dominant-party states, but police-state-level control may emerge in multi-party systems as well.

 

Originally, a police state was a state regulated by a civil administration, but since the beginning of the 20th century it has "taken on an emotional and derogatory meaning" by describing an undesirable state of living characterized by the overbearing presence of civil authorities.[1] The inhabitants of a police state may experience restrictions on their mobility, or on their freedom to express or communicate political or other views, which are subject to police monitoring or enforcement. Political control may be exerted by means of a secret police force that operates outside the boundaries normally imposed by a constitutional state.

Can there be much doubt that we are already in a police state with respect to the federal government's relations with immigrants and foreigners, terms that covers a lot of human beings in very different circumstances, e.g., naturalized citizens, legal permanent residents, work permit holders, student visa holders, temporary business visa holders (B-1), temporary tourist visa holders (B-2), transit visa holders (C), holders of temporary work visa (11 different categories), asylum seekers of various sorts, illegal immigrants, et al.  How would I feel kright now if I were legally in the United States but spoke a language other than English as my primary language, if I had a dark complexion, and if I had a Hispanic-sounding or unusual surname, knowing that I could be picked up off the street by armed agents of Immigration and Customs Enforcement in plain clothes, whisked off to a detention center in another state before being put on an aircraft bound for a notorious prison for alleged terrorists in another country?  And that the government's position is that I am not entitled to due process to contest my seizure and demonstrate that I am in the States lawfully?  Indeed, the real power in the White House, Stephen Miller, deputy chief of staff and the real domestic policy chief, along with OMB director Russell Vought, has taken the position that the writ of habeas corpus ought to be suspended.  And every Republican member of the House, save two, voted for Trump's "one big, beautiful budget bill" that included a provision that would strip the federal courts of the power to enforce their orders.   "No court of the United States may use appropriated funds to enforce a contempt citation for failure to comply with an injunction or temporary restraining order if no security was given when the injunction or order was issued," the provision in the bill, which is more than 1,000 pages long, says.  The provision "would make most existing injunctions—in antitrust cases, police reform cases, school desegregation cases, and others—unenforceable," said Erwin Chemerinsky, the dean of the University of California Berkeley School of Law,  "It serves no purpose but to weaken the power of the federal courts."  Are these not powerful moves toward a police state?

How should Harvard, Columbia, and other universities feel under a government that feels empowered and authorized to make the kinds of demands that have been placed on Harvard and Columbia?  How should their foreign students (and faculty) feel?  How should we feel?

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

—Martin Niemöller

Busy day.  For two days in a row, I've kept busy all day, doing a couple of loads of laundry, changing my bedding, doing a little gouache painting, decluttering my rat's nest next to my recliner, going to Stein's Garden Center to buy a small cyclamen to replace my Cuban oregano, going to Best Buy to get a cable that lets me play the music on my iPhone in the Volvo and getting a USB-C adapter for my old thumb drives, vacuuming my bedroom, reading the papers (as much as I do), and writing in my journal/blog.  It may be an early night tonight.  I've felt great all day, but didn't get out onto the country roads or down to the national cemetery.  Maybe tomorrow.  I made mac and cheese for dinner, and I may be ready for a nap.  I hope you're having a great get-together.

A favorite line of the day, by Maureen Dowd: "[Trump]’s selling himself as the president of the United States, staining his office with a blithe display of turpitude. 

 

5/23/2025

 Friday, May 23, 2025

D+177/122

1958 Mao Zedong started the "Great Leap Forward" movement in China, killed between 23 and 55 million Chinese citizens due to famine and forced labor

2022 President Joe Biden said for the first time he would be willing to use force to defend Taiwan against a Chinese invasion

2023 451 Illinois Catholic clergy sexually abused nearly 2,000 children over 70 years, according to the state's attorney general’s office 

In bed at  9:35, awake and up at 5:45.  41°, wind chill=35°, high of 55°. 

Prednisone, day 373; 1 mg.,  day 15/21; Kevzara, day 11/14; CGM, day 6/15; Trulicity, day 7/7.  Prednisone at 6 a.m.  Other meds at 6:15  a.m.  Eye drops at 6 a.m., 1:30 p.m.,  and 9 p.m., Triamcinolone at 6:30 a.m.  Trulicity injection at 11:30 a.m.

The day started with a white-tail deer slowly walking past the bird feeders outside my window.  I was surprised he didn't stop for a nibble of the safflower seeds I accidentally spilled on the ground yesterday.  Ghasson and Athena walked by at 6:40.  Later in the morning, a bit of a thrill when I had a pair of Gray Catbirds appear at our feeding station, concentrating on the suet cakes.  They are the first I've seen since we lived on Newton Avenue in Shorewood.  I've also been enjoying watching the house finches working on the oranges I put out, hoping to attract more orioles.  At noon, a double header: the oriole returned to enjoy the orange, and the catbird came back to the suet cake.  The red-bellied woodpecker likes the pulp of the oranges.  Tremendous bird traffic today.  I've discovered that the catbirds have bright red rumps.  Who knew?  I'm seeing many paired couples today: the cardinals, of course, but also the catbirds, house finches, and goldfinches.  The house finches remind me of the pair who used to visit our kitchen windowsill at the Knickerbocker.  What I am not seeing today are the squirrels.  Wazupdidat?

Sarah's odyssey.  On FB this morning, "Thank you, C&C Lightway for the hospitality this week in Seoul! Onward to Hong Kong, Dongguan, and Guangzhou…"

How to promote anti-semitism.  (1) Identify all Jews with Benjamin Netanyahu, Bezalel Smotrich, Itamar Ben-Gvir, violent settlers in the West Bank, and the State of Israel. (2) Use the protection of Jews as a pretext for destroying America's major research universities.

I have been fixated on the image of Trump as a modern Samson, with his thugishness, his weakness for women, his cruelty and violence, his blindness, his vengefulness, but mostly with the idea of his bringing down the temple and destroying himself and all around him.  The story is told in the Book of Judges, chapters 13 to 16, and is kind of a hoot to read, like something written by Woody Allen. 

14 Samson went down to Timnah and saw there a young Philistine woman. 2 When he returned, he said to his father and mother, “I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah; now get her for me as my wife.”

3 His father and mother replied, “Isn’t there an acceptable woman among your relatives or among all our people? Must you go to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a wife?”

But Samson said to his father, “Get her for me. She’s the right one for me.

and

16 One day Samson went to Gaza, where he saw a prostitute. He went in to spend the night with her. 2 The people of Gaza were told, “Samson is here!” So they surrounded the place and lay in wait for him all night at the city gate. They made no move during the night, saying, “At dawn we’ll kill him.” 

Samson seemed to be pissed off at everybody; everybody 'done him wrong,' like his wife who betrayed him, and Delilalh, who betrayed him, and mostly those damned Philistines who "seized him, gouged out his eyes and took him down to Gaza. Binding him with bronze shackles, they set him to grinding grain in the prison."  But Samson was resolved to get even and then some.  "Then Samson prayed to the Lord, 'Sovereign Lord, remember me. Please, God, strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes.”  And of course, we know that he did.

Trump reminds me of Samson.  He loves the ladies.  

I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.

He knows what he wants, and he insists on getting it.  And when he gets screwed, he gets even and then some.  The wife who betrayed him got tossed aside and given to his best man.  As to the Philistines:

28 Then Samson prayed to the Lord, “Sovereign Lord, remember me. Please, God, strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes.” 29 Then Samson reached toward the two central pillars on which the temple stood. Bracing himself against them, his right hand on the one and his left hand on the other, 30 Samson said, “Let me die with the Philistines!” Then he pushed with all his might, and down came the temple on the rulers and all the people in it. Thus he killed many more when he died than while he lived.

Trump is wreaking vengeance on everybody who opposed him - or who he thought wronged him in any way - in a way that makes Samson look like a pisher:  the members and staff of the January 6th committee, DOJ people who investigated the coup and the purloined documents, the New York authorities who investigated and prosecuted him, ABC, CBS, NBC, Big Law, Harvard, Columbia, James Comey, Andrew Cuomo, the list is endless.  In the process, he is bringing down the temple, i.e., the American democratic republic..