0912

September 12, 2022 

In bed at 10;10, UP up at 4:00, 3 or 4 pss, 2 glasses of red.  Raining for hours, still raining.  "Areal Flood Warning" from National Weather Service.  Officially 3.35 inches in Milwaukee but rain is expected for at least another couple of hours.  Some local areas have already received more than 6 inches of rain. . . . 

    We got 4 and 1/4 inches.   Tuned into Kate Bolduan's program at 10 a.m. to see if there was any news, especially in terms of the Trump response to the DOJ's motion to exclude classified papers from the special master's report.  Didn't expect any, but thought there might be news of some significance about something, Russian retreats in Ukraine, e.g.  Instead, I got to see a bunch of people mouthing the Our Father at St. Giles Cathedral in Edinburgh in a service for Her Majesty, then all comers following King Charles III returning to Holyroodhouse.  Egads.  I guess for an unending spoon-feeding of this stuff till after the burial next week.

"We are all tattooed in our cradles with the beliefs of our tribe; the record may seem superficial, but it is indelible. You cannot educate a man wholly out of the superstitious fears which were early implanted in his imagination; no matter how utterly his reason may reject them..."  Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.. . . . . . . 

Between two groups of people who want to make inconsistent kinds of worlds, I see no remedy but force.  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Most people have died before they expire; died to all earthly longings so that the last breath is only, as it were, the locking of the door of the already deserted mansion.  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Life is an end in itself, and the only question as to whether it is worth living is whether you have had enough of it.  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

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Did some painting this afternoon on "Woman in a Black Hat."  May have done serious damage to the effort.  The hat and all that black and gray throw me for a loop.  Also baked some banana bread.  Don't know yet whether that will turn out to be a bust.  Fingers crossed. . . . . . Whoops - salvage job on painting was a mistake.👺😞😡  Banana bread the best I have ever made.

0911

September 11, 2022 

In bed at 10, and woke up at 3:11 from a vivid dream of participating in a panel of some sort considering the professional behavior of an employee/agent accused of bad judgment or violating or deviating from some rule or protocol in dealing with persons he encountered in his work.  Unsure of what exactly he was accused of and of what exactly was our role on the panel but the dream was very vivid and a bit disturbing or stimulating somehow.  In any case, I lay in bed until 3:40, thoughts flitting like the bait bucket minnows.  Gave up and got up but hopefully will be back in bed before dawn.  Rain expected in the next hour or two may help me get to sleep again.. . .  Nodded off on the recliner after reading the morning papers, drinking a cup of day-old coffee, ending up back in bed at 6:15 and sleeping till 8:30.

    21 years ago today I was sitting on the little sofa in my father's little living room in his little house in North Port,  in Sarasota County, Florida watching the Today Show with Katie Couric and Matt Lauer, stunned by the live, 'real time' coverage of 9/11, and sensing that life was  'turning on a dime' for the United States.  My flight back to Milwaukee the following day was canceled, along with all other U.S. flights.  President Bush was also in Sarasota County, reading "The Pet Goat"  to a first-grade class in the city of Sarasota.  Bush flew from Florida to Barksdale AFB in Louisiana, then to Offutt AFB in Nebraska, finally to Andrews AFB in Maryland and back to the White House.  By October, Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld had invaded Afghanistan to overthrow the Taliban government and oust al Qaeda from its former safe haven.  Eighteen months later, the same crew used the fear engendered by 9/11 to invade Iraq.  The Afghan adventure was to last 20 years, buoyed by endless false claims of "progress" by our military and civilian leaders, and it would end in ignominious defeat by a 'ragtag bunch of guys with black towels on their heads,' just as the Vietnam misadventure lasted more than 20 years - from Dien Bien Phi in 1954  until 1975's videos of American helicopters lifting desperate people off roofs in Saigon, America ignominiously defeated by an army of guys in flip-flops and black pajamas.  The Iraq disaster would lead to disruption throughout the Mideast, with tens of thousands  killed, wounded, and/or fleeing their homes to seek safety.  Americans came to accept kidnappings as "renditions" and torture of prisoners as "enhanced interrogation."  We casually accepted the indefinite imprisonment of suspects at Guantanamo Bay without charges or trial.  Whatever 'soul' the U.S. government had before 9/11, it squandered much of it on Bush's "War on Terror."  Barack Obama compounded the sins by refusing to hold anyone responsible for the crimes committed by our government, just as he (and his Secretary of Treasury Tim Geitner) held no one responsible for the financial and economic collapse in 2008.  And then of course came Trump.   Thoughts one has on 9/11.

    Started working on the van Dongen yesterday, on an 18X24 inch canvas, working from a 9X11 cover print on my library art book about the Fauves.  Applied a parchment-colored background paint first, dried with a hair dryer, then the mouth/lips 14 inches from the bottom of the canvas.  Then an undercoat of flesh tone to the face area and poitrine, which turned out diner and darker than I had intended.  Salvage work maybe.  Today applied an undercoat to the green dress, and started work on the black hat - no end of confusion there: what is the hat, what is shadow, what is gray whatchamacallit?  Do I just paint a grey of varying values as a penumbra around the hat?

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    We watched Pieces of a Woman on Netflix.  Powerful acting.  

0910

September 10, 2022 

In bed by 11, up at 7, 3 pss, and 3 glasses of red. Stayed up late watching news coverage of the late filings in the Mar-a-Lago case and trying to avoid the coverage on QEII and KCIII.  No particular surprises in the legal filings, although it appears that the Trump team did not take the position that all of the documents in his possession had been declassified which suggests that that bogus defense has been abandoned, probably because the lawyers refused to assert it without any evidentiary support for it other than Trump's own word. (Wow, quite a run-on sentence: almost 60 words).  Nonetheless, it's still not entirely clear that Trump's team has dropped the defense.

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    I'm hoping to start my next adventure in painting today with a fresh canvas, hopefully, an 18X24.  Van Dongen, Woman in a Black Hat, 1908.

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    I keep wondering how Jim is doing in his new surroundings, how he and Katherine and Jordan will interact.  Katherine sent a photo of Jim and Jordan at a marina which caused some confusion in Jim about where he was (Port Washington?)

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    More 'executive function' issues this morning. Got into the shower wearing my wristwatch.  Got out of the shower having forgotten to shave.  Troubling evidence accruing.

. . . . . . ..

    Watched "The Problem with Jon Stewart" last night on AppleTV+, the episode on racism.  Very well done.  Opinion columnist Andrew Sullivan was one of the guests, poo-pooing the notion of 'white supremacy' in the U.S., and of racism generally.  Smart guy, dumb as a rock about racism in America.

 . . . . . . . 

    I confess to feeling petty and peevish about all the coverage of "the royals" and their functionaries in Windsor and London.  Men in silly costumes that were appropriate centuries ago, wearing silly hats of bearskins or feathers, all not-so-subtly redolent of empire and power.  It reminds me of course of the Catholic Church with its chasubles and surplices, copes and miters, men in peculiar costumes like Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton in their Royal Order of Racoons hats or Amos, Andy, and Kingfish and their Mystic Knights of the Sea.  The regalia and paraphernalia have a purpose of course, actually a number of purposes (including providing photo-ops for tourists), but at root, they are a male thing, symbols of authority, the right to command obedience, deference, and honor, a 'my thing is bigger than your thing' thing.  Sort of reminds me of secret societies, like the Bushes and Skull and Bones at Yale.   And, OMG, Prince William and Prince Harry TOGETHER working the rope line - how wonderful!!!  And, what will be the role of Camilla as Queen-consort??? Bah.  Humbug!😠

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    2 inches of rain are expected from tonight and over the next two days.  Makes me nervous about the basement.

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    Next painting adventure: a modest beginning.   (lone smile)

0909

September 9, 2022

 In bed before 10, up at 4:30, 3(?) pss, no vino.  Reappearance of slight pain in upper back on rising.  By 6:30, local paper read, dishwasher emptied and reloaded, recycling out, kitchen cleaned and tidied, a glaze applied to Calder knockoff.  Now going through the 'do I stop now' phase of painting and thinking probably yes.  What's to be gained from more black circles and strings a la Caldwell's original, what could be lost?  The issue to be considered is over 2 basted eggs on a bed of corned beef hash and mixed-in American cheese slices, all seasoned with Adobo and Sriracha.

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    Morning papers all lead with the death of QEII.  Her life of duty and service and her death make me think of the 'lottery of birth' and William Blake's

Every morn and every night

Some are born to sweet delight

Every night and every morn

Some to misery are born

Some are born to sweet delight

Some are born to endless night. 

How should we think of Elizabeth's life: sweet delight or misery or both?  She was born into and lived a life of opulence, unearned and undeserved wealth, like Donald J. Trump and all born into inherited riches.  But she was never really a free agent from the moment she was born and it's hard to imagine any person with a keener sense of duty and acceptance of required service than her.  The person I'm most reminded of, perhaps oddly, is Ruth Bader Ginsburg who fought the good fight against oppression right to the end.  Two women of 'true grit.'  As a grandchild of Dennis Healy and Catherine O'Shea who emigrated in poverty from Ireland when it was under the iron boot of Great Britain, I can't say that I mourn the death of any English monarch and I certainly don't cheer the accession of now-King Charles to the throne that represents to so many people around the world (where, as Brits were wont to brag, the sun never set on 'their' Empire) violence, oppression, white supremacy, and exploitation. I must admit that I would experience some schadenfreude if Scotland and Wales were to leave the United Kingdom, and some exhilaration if Northern Ireland were to secede and join the Republic of Ireland, righting some wrongs committed with the Plantation of Ulster in the 16th and 17th centuries and with the division of Ireland after its War of Independence and Civil War in the 20th.  I'm reminded of the insensitive and politically incorrect joke about 'Irish Alzheimer's', where you forget everything except your grudges.  All that being said, I must say I sure admire the Queen's grit and have some sympathy for those who feel pain over her passing.

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    Andy's almost 20-year-old Lexus lost its power steering this morning so it's Volvo to the rescue again, hopefully for less than a week this time.

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    Made an abortive start on another knockoff painting, a Kees van Dongen portrait.  Tried to prep an old canvas but realized when I removed some painter's tape that the acrylic paint I had applied did not have good adhesion, making me think the underlying painting was done with oil paint, not acrylic.

    After dinner, I drove over and picked up Andy to get the Volvo to him while Geri and Lilly visited with an across-the-street neighbor and friend and her poodles.

0908

September 8, 2022 

Stayed up late, reading, watching, and thinking.  By the time I went to bed, had finished a bottle of red and what was left in a bag of spice drops.  Trop!  Listening to Lawrence O'Donnell and Laurence Tribe and others discussing DOJ's options regarding Judge Cannon's decision in the Trump case reminded me of what I have thought for some time now: that we have passed the tipping point on the road to fascism in this nation.  This Cannon decision illustrates it.  Cannon a Trump appointee.  The 11th Circuit has 11 judges with 6 appointed by Trump.  And the Supreme Court is now thought of not as the Roberts Court, but as the Clarence Thomas Court.  Thanks to George H. W. Bush,  George W, Bush,  Donald J. Trump, Mitch McConnell, and others, even Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

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   I did some more work on the Calder geometric piece this afternoon.

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    I read an op-ed piece in the NYTimes this morning: "Your Childhood Home Is In Front of You.  Do You Go In?"  My childhood home was a 3-room flat in the basement of a 3-story, 12-unit apartment building at 7303 South Emerald Avenue in the now-notorious Englewood district of Chicago.  It was where my mother lived after my father was drafted into the Marines in WWII, fearing and fighting the cockroaches (benignly renamed 'water bugs) that shared the basement space.  It was where we all lived (in a manner of speaking) after my father returned at the end of 1945, war-wrecked, haunted by sights and sounds that never left him, brought back from Iwo Jima.  It was where, on September 30, 1947, my mother was slashed and raped by a knife-wielding neighbor boy who threatened to kill my 3-year-old sister and me unless my mother satisfied his demands.  He had killed another woman with his knife only days before in a parking lot of Englewood's big shopping district at 63rd and Halstead Street.  To answer the question posed in the op-ed: I can't go into that childhood home.  The building is gone, with only a vacant lot remaining.  Can't say the same of the memories from my time there.

Some of the Chicago newspaper coverage: [Wouldn't print]

Speed Stabbing, Sex Attack Trials

_________

(Picture on page 5)

Prosecution officials yesterday planned a speedy trial for James Hartmann, 15, of 710 W. 76th Street, for the murder of Mrs. Gracelyn Bush, 32, and for a sex crime against Mrs. Mary Clausen, 25.. . . Hartmann will be charged with robbery and a crime against nature for his offense against Mrs. Clausen, 7303 Emerald Avenue, whom he pulled out of bed and mistreated in her home Tuesday night.  He robbed her before fleeing.. . .

Remorseless and alert, Jimmy Hartmann scrawled his signature to two confessions in which he told in detail of the knife murder of Mrs. Gracelyn Bush, 35, on September 24 and the sex torture and robbery of Mrs. Mary Clausen, 25, last Tuesday night.”

. . .

After reading the two confessions, [State’s Attorney] Touhy released to newspapers the youth’s story of the Bush murder but withheld the statement on the Clausen case.

2nd Statement Shocking

It was one of the most shocking I have ever read,” the prosecutor said.  “It is too appalling, too atrocious to be read by the public.  Considerations of Mrs. Clausen would also require that it be withheld.. . . . . . . . 

I was 6 years old when James Hartmann stole into our basement apartment, put a knife to my throat and raped my mother.  She and my 3-year-old sister and I were all sleeping in the same bed at the time.  I have no conscious memory of the assaults and learned the specifics from my mother only when I was 22 years old and in the Marines.  I do remember the police being there after the crime, my father being home for his 2nd shift job, and waiting in my coat to be taken somewhere (aunt? uncle? grandparents?)  For years after the crime, however, I was bothered by nightmares of someone being present in the room where I was sleeping, someone dangerous, who I tried to scare away with loud moaning.  After September 30, 1947, each member of our family, except perhaps my younger sister, lived with some form of PTSD.

Sweeny Agonistes, T. S. Eliot

When you’re alone in the middle of the night and

you wake in a sweat and a hell of a fright 

When you’re alone in the middle of the bed and

you wake like someone hit you in the head

You’ve had a cream of a nightmare dream and

you’ve got the hoo-ha’s coming to you.

Hoo hoo hoo

You dreamt you waked up at seven o'clock and it's foggy

    and its damp and it's dawn and it's dark

And you wait for a knock and the turning of a lock for

   you know the hangman's waiting for you.

And perhaps you're alive

And perhaps you're dead

HOO HA HA

HOO HA HA 

HOO

HOO

HOO

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

KNOCK

KNOCK 

KNOCK

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0907

September 7, 2022

In bed at 10, up at 5:30, 3 pss, 1 small cognac, back questionable but seemingly OK.

Squirrel cage thoughts this pre-dawn:

 1. Trump like Robert E. Lee, is seen as a traitor, evil, slaveholding treacher by many, seen as a savior, and fighter to preserve traditional values (MAGA) by others.   

2. Blog a sad effort to continue the practice of writing, communicating daily with my sister  

3.  My neck is increasingly 'encumbered:' my two metal 57-year-old dog tags from Vietnam, one deep red medical tag, my new black MedAlert device in case of fall, etc., and my brown leather Apple AirPods holder when I wear it.

4. My charging station like a WE substation: iPhone, iPod, iPad, AirPods, MacBook Air, MedAlert.

5. Judge Aileen M. Cannon, bought and paid for, the 'homer,' Federalist Society success story, Michigan Law School alum magna cum laude,  shortlist material for the next GOP president.  She knew what she was doing, shameless and proud, expecting promotion 'come the revolution.'

6.  Today being Wednesday, I inject myself with Trulicity for my diabetes, average retail cost more than $1250/month and ingest my Jardiance pill, $750/month.  Cost to the government through the VA is much less.  Diabetes presumably resulting from exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam, maybe yes, maybe no, who knows?  American medical/health system is more broken than Jackson, MS waterworks.

7.  Wondering whether my eyesight is declining faster than the rest of my body, or simply going downhill apace.

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Took my 2014 Volvo to Fields Volvo-Jaguar-Land Rover, the one and only Volvo dealership in southeast Wisconsin, 27 miles and at least 40 minutes with no freeway delays from my home.  The other 2 dealerships in Wisconsin are in Madison (80 miles away) and in Appleton (100 miles away.)  Time for "regular maintenance."  "Regular maintenance" cost over $800 BUT that included the oil change, normal filters replaced, and brake fluid ($253) and a FREE complimentary multi-point vehicle inspection, "A $69.00 value!  The big cost item was the 5 year maintenance service described only as "19 CPVM  $521.50"  Unexplained "shop supplies" cost me $25.32 and the required contribution to Wisconsin annual revenue was $40.01, for a total of $840.05.  I would feel bad about all this if it weren't for that FREE complimentary multi-point vehicle inspection which reminded me that I hadn't merely spent the better part of $1,000, but had actually SAVED $69.00.  On the other hand, I am wondering whether I should be glad or sad that there was nothing about the car that required fixing or replacing, i.e., the car was in great shape at 41,477 miles, only needing 'regular maintenance', an oil change, and fresh brake fluid.  💭💭💭

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Made some progress on the Calder knockoff.

0906

September 6, 2022

In bed at 10ish, awake at 3, after 2 pss, no vino.  Lilly came in the room when I returned to bed, lay down licking her front legs from her 'corn tassel' allergy.  I got up at 3:25 and let her out.  Normally when I would let her out and in while Geri is still asleep, she goes right into Geri's bed and stays till Geri wakes up (or Lilly wakes her up.)  This morning she went right into the kitchen for a treat as she does after her daytime outings, drank quite a bit of water, then returned to Geri's bedroom.

    Can it be?  My backache seems to have largely disappeared.  Started on August 20, overnight, and been with me every single day until today.  17 days.  What is that all about?!?!

    Steve texted a photo  last night of Jimmy sitting happily next to Jordan. The torch passes.  Geri went over to Jimmy's apartment this morning to finish cleaning up and cleaning out Jimmy's 'stuff.'  For all of her very real toughness (in the sense of strength, courage, and resiliency) and occasional hyperbolic or histrionic talk about her nemeses (flower-eating whitetail deer, chipmunks, Donald Trump and a few other member of the human species), she is such a remarkably caring and loving and responsible human being.

    This morning's WaPo has a feature story headlined "The Logistics of Death Can Be Overwhelming. New Apps Can Offer Help."  It mentions applications named 'Cake,' 'Lantern,' and 'Empathy'.  I forwarded it to Geri and myself.  Time to get on the ball.

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    Thinking of Niebuhr, I came across the following thought of H.L. Mencken in a short piece called "The Mind of Man:" 'Friendship is a common belief in the same fallacies, mountebanks, and hobgoblins' and 'The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true.  It is the chief occupation of mankind.'  Both seem relevant to Niebuhr's thoughts on group behavior, group ethics, group morality.

    And E. J. Dionne again in 'Obama's Favorite Theologian:'  "We need a sense of modesty about the virtue, wisdom and power available to us and a sense of contrition about the common human frailties and foibles which lie at the foundation of both the enemy’s demonry and our own vanities. Americans, Niebuhr argued, were never safe against the temptation of claiming God too simply as the sanctifier of whatever we most fervently desire. One great Niebuhrian quote should hang over all seminars. Niebuhr once said that “we must always seek the truth in our opponents’ error and the error in our own truth.” And that is also classic Niebuhr."

    All the reading and thinking about Niebuhr has me reflecting on the wickedness of the deep cynicism and pessimism I've permitted myself to sink into.  Ditto the wickedness of entertaining any thought that well, I'm going to die soon and won't have to live with the fascism looming over us.  Can't claim to harbor any love for neighbor, family, children, grandchildren, millions of other children growing up as I grow older and older and consider myself a decent human being while thinking it won't effect me so so what.

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    I started watching the 2014 film Ida, set in Poland in 1962 and telling the tale of an 18 year old orphan raised in a convent orphanage and about to take her vows to join the sponsoring religious order when her superior sends her off to meet her only known relative, an aunt, who lets her know that she is a Jew whose family were killed in the Holocaust.  Powerful film, tremendous in the ancient sense of 'to be trembled at,' from tremor and tremendus.   Directed by Pawel Pawlikowski, beautifully filmed in black and white, softly, subtly acted a la Robert Bresson, Ingmar Bergman.  Stunning.

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    Did some painting on the Calder knockoff.  I need to figure out what to do on the right side to provide some kind of balance, or do I want it unbalanced, like its painter?😀