Thursday, October 5, 2023
In bed at 10, up at 6:38. Let Lilly out. °58. high of 71°, mostly cloudy, AQI=31, wind WNW at 5 mph, 4-14/23. Rain? Sunrise at 6:53, sunset at 6:26, 11+32.
??? Two nights in a row down for more than 8 hours, last night all in bed, no time on the brr. Each morning wanting to lie down again and rest some more. I feel like my body is like my Apple Watch, doing whatever it wants to do or is programmed to do without any conscious input or control from me. Very little back pain again this morning. The rehab doc says I probably have arthritis in my spine and degenerative disc disease and at my age that all makes sense. But why did I have so much back pain over the last 3 months which now seems to have largely gone away? What brought it on and why did it get better? We go through much of our lives, if we are fortunate, thinking we are 'in control', making choices, developing routines and habits., and making and following through on plans. The older I get, the less I feel in control of anything. "Executive function is a set of mental skills that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control. We use these skills every day to learn, work, and manage daily life. Trouble with executive function can make it hard to focus, follow directions, and handle emotions, among other things." Along with age-related loss of cognitive function, we experience widespread somatic dysfunction. Where will the pains be today, back, pelvic floor, bladder, feet, joints, and/or in what combination? What thoughts will bounce around in my head upon waking? From what part of a long life? What regrets, remorses, guilts, shames? What song will lodge like an earworm in my brain? Who's in charge here, Emily?
In this short life, that only lasts an hour,
How much - how little - is within our power.
The Sycamore Gap tree near Hadrian's Wall in England has been felled by an unknown vandal. A perfect example of human malice? The tree is said to have been the most beloved tree in England, the site of weddings, proposals, and ash-spreadings. It was more than 100 years old and may sprout again from the remaining stump, but it will take decades, if ever, to recover its former scale.
Why?
This photo of the fallen sycamore really saddens me, a dyed-in-the-wool tree-hugger. It saddens me because of the wanton destruction of the part of the tree above the cut-line but also because of what the wantonness of the act reveals in terms of the human capacity for wickedness in general and for wilful destruction of living things and other things of beauty and value. Whatever it was in the heart of the man (almost a certainty) that prompted him to bring down this beloved, magnificent, historic tree is the same thing that leads to the Russians' bombings of Ukrainian hospitals and shopping centers and our bombing of Nagasaki. We are moved to build and create things but also to destroy things - and people - and it seems an open question to me which impulse may be dominant at any given time. As Solzhenitzen wrote, the line runs right through every human heart.
Shondagasss. Anderson Cooper came up with a neologism on Stephen Colbert's show last night, a combination (portmanteau?) of shona and mischegass. What a great word! Shameful craziness, crazy shamefulness.
Uncle Joe's vicious Alsatian Wolfdog has finally been sent away from the White House with Uncle Joe and Aunt Jill crying crocodile tears about the 2-year-old's banishment but saying, as they had to,, “The President and First Lady care deeply about the safety of those who work at the White House and those who protect them every day. They remain grateful for the patience and support” of those involved. "Those involved" include one Secret Service agent who had to be hospitalized after the beloved "Commander" " unprovoked, bit the person’s arm and thigh, according to emails and records obtained by the conservative group Judicial Watch. [And BTW, a CNN White House reporter reported this morning that 11 is only the "official count" of biting incidents with Commander; the real number of bites is "in the dozens."] Aunt Jill's mouthpiece commiserated with poor Commander's plight, saying that “the White House can be a stressful environment for family pets,” and that the Biden family was working on “ways to help Commander handle the often unpredictable nature of the White House grounds.”
O, poor Uncle Joe, poor Aunt Jill, poor Commander!😪 Am I mistaken in thinking that almost any other dog that had a record of (at least) 11 unprovoked attacks on human beings would be euthanized? That we would consider such an animal vicious? Am I odd to wonder why Uncle Joe and Aunt Jill (really Uncle Joe) would keep such a dog as "a family pet" rather than, for example, a friendly cocker spaniel or a nice Siamese cat or a turtle? The American Kennel Club, never known to say anything bad about any dog breed, says German Shepherds are known for their loyalty and are “gentle family pets,” — though it adds that they may not always be the most welcoming to strangers. A more honest appraisal comes from a 2014 literature review from the American Veterinary Medical Association that found that German shepherds were among the breeds “highly represented in biting incidents” across a range of studies. Can't say you weren't put on notice about German Shepherd's aggressiveness, Uncle Joe, (let's remember your last vicious German Shepherd 'Major'), so how about a nice goldfish to take Commander's place and keep your aides safe?
Russians targeted a market & cafe near Kharkiv, at least 51 civilians were murdered. What are we to think of this? How are we to feel? How can we hear news like this without deep heartache? What belief are we to have in any notion of 'the rule of law' on an international scale? What does this say about the effectiveness of the United Nations as an international peacekeeping force? What does it say about anyone's real power to prevent this kind of merciless barbarity? Fifty-one human beings go to their local Sendik's or MetroMarket to shop for food for their families or stop at their local coffee shop for a sandwich and a cuppa coffee and they are killed by a lethal missile. It is so tempting (and grounded in a lot of evidence) that the Russians are particularly cruel and heartless in pursuing their political goals but we need to remember what this says about all of us, Americans and Russians, Belgians and New Zealanders: “If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?” ― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago 1918–1956
work in progress, a challenge
Sanctuary
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