12/7/23

Thursday, December 7, 2023

In bed at 9:15, awake at 3:00, out of bed at 3:41 unable to sleep, thoughts all over the place.  Let Lilly out. 39°, high of 46°, sliver moon in the ESE sky, mostly sunny day ahead.  Wind SW at 6 mph, 6-10/14.  Sunrise at 7:09 at 121°, sunset at 4:16 at 239°, 9+8.  High noon at 11:43 a.m. at altitude 24°

Treadmill; pain.   It was a big struggle to mount the treadmill today, not because of pain, but rather laziness/lassitude.  20:22 & 0.40. better than nothin'.  Breakfast: CBH & eggs; Lunch: chicken sandwich; Dinner: baked cod, cauliflower, french fryies/crispy crowns.

I'm grateful for recognizing that I am not experiencing much gratitude today, and that it diminishes me and my life.  I've been practicing some mindfulness and I am pleased and enriched by it, even in my crude, undisciplined beginnings, but I've been at 6s and 7d today and yesterday, perhaps because of my long visit at the Pain Clinic yesterday and with PT Jennifer Garrison this morning.  A lot of time spent talking about myself, describing pain experiences in my netherland, reliving some bad experiences, feeling like a wimp, etc.  These processes remind me of my age and infirmities, my state of partial helplessness, of not being in charge of my life anymore, at least the parts that are curtailed by pain, infirmity, chronic disease.  On the other hand, I've outlived by dear mother by more than 30 years, my dear sister by 5 years, my good friend Tom by 5 years, my good friend David Branch by many years (I can't remember when he died of a dreadful disease), my friend Bob Friebert by 7 years, and Bill Guis by 8 years.  And my life is SO much easier, so much more privileged than those of most people on earth.  Time to snap out of it!  I'm pulled between two poles, one wanting to say the hell with it, give up, and live as Mickey the Mope, the other willing to try all sorts of things, like meditation, 'healing hands', acupuncture (again), and maybe hypnotism, not to 'cure' the pain, but to deal with it more positively.  Like Frank Costanza, maybe?  Serenity NOW!  Mindfulness NOW!😂

    I did see some great trees this morning driving to my PT appointment through Woods and the grounds of the Old Soldiers Home.  Wondrous.  A magnificent bur (I think) oak in the cemetery and this snaky wonder near the soldiers home.

New Haflinger slippers.  Big mistake.  The seam on the boiled wool uppers is on the inside of the slippers and rub the skin on my 'index toe' painfully.  What I don't need: more pains.  Band-Aids next?

"This is Grim", one Democratic Pollster Says" is the title of Thomas Edsall's column in yesterday's NYT.  If the numbers hold, Biden will be a one-term president and we may be in for a fascist president, Congress, and Supreme Court, and all that entails.   The poll numbers he cites are more granular than the frequently referred to NBC numbers that have Trump favored over Biden by 2 points, with neither of them over 50%.  Again, if the numbers hold, the "American experiment" will have failed and scholars and pundits will spend years assessing, studying, and publishing the reasons, to the extent they are allowed to.  And I, if I'm still around, will mainly blame Biden for his refusal to step aside in his senescence.  He will join Ruth Baden Ginsberg in the annals of those who are admired for so much for what they accomplished but condemned for staying too long at the dance and imposing a great cost on the rest of us.

    The older I get, the more I realize how ignorant I am of voter dynamics, indeed of human behavior in general.  Asked who would better protect democracy, Biden won by only one point.  Asked who would make democracy more secure, Biden and Trump tied!  "Particularly worrisome for Democrats, who plan to demonize Trump as a threat to democracy, are the advantages Trump and Republicans have on opposing extremism (three points), getting beyond the chaos (six points) and protecting the Constitution (eight points)."  Data like these make me wonder whether words have any meaning anymore.  Or are we simply in the world of Jim, the 'Waco Kid' in Blazing Saddles: "You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons."  I know this is simplistic, elitist, and foolish, but still . . .😼