0929

September 29, 2022

In bed at 10#), awake at 5:30, and tried to fall back to sleep but kept thinking, wondering about the damage in Florida, whether the storm surge overnight, on the back end of the hurricane, was as bad as feared.  Up at 5:50.  Turned on 'Morning Joe', Ian was now a tropical storm, still in Florida, working its way back out to the Atlantic and north toward Charleston.  Lee County (Cape Coral-Fort Myers, population more than 750,000) is being called "ground zero" but massive damage impacts north and south of Lee.  North Port received 17.41 inches of rain, and Punta Gorda 17.29 inches. Ian is apparently one of the strongest storms in U.S. history.  It must make homeowners there wonder whether living, and owning there makes sense.  Wondering about Ed and his mansion on Marco Island. 

     In Bayside, it's 34 degrees outside, high of 61 is expected, weather advisory issued by U.S. National Weather Service in Sullivan: dense fog throughout southeast Wisconsin till 8:00. 

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    The situation in Europe is getting even grimmer.  Sabotage of the Nord Stream pipeline has a lot of finger-pointing but it seems clear Russia is responsible, wanting to increase the pressure on EU UNITY and NATO,   as winter approaches.  Annexation ceremonies to be held tomorrow in Moscow for 4 Ukrainian regions, not only Luhansk and Donetsk (the 'Donbas') but also Kherson, a major Black Sea and Dnieper River port and Zaporizhzhia, the location of the largest nuclear power station in Europe, a key and vital asset of Ukraine.  I am full of fear, especially with Sarah and her Kovacs family in Bavaria.  Europe was torn by war when I was born in 1941, and here we are in 2022.

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    Watching some of the news coverage of Ian as it moves north, seems like tracking a part of my life - wind reports from Brunswick, St. Simon's Island, Jekyll Island, Savannah, Georgia, Beaufort, S.C.  Memories of the live oak between the tidal marshes and the city of Brunswick, Sydney Lanier's The Marshes of Glynn, NAS Glynco, Andy Furlong, Ens., USN, 'Susie Shoney,' "I smoked it, I'll drink it." Okefenokee Swamp, unable to come up with $4 entrance fee, unfriendly reception at a local bar, Yankees in Deep South in 1964, 'freedom riders'.  Ahmaud Arbery. 

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    Feeling the need of something to paint.  Maybe a drawing, maybe a gouache, something.  Not quite ready to work again on Balustrade.

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    Live coverage on CNN from North Port.  A reporter standing in an intersection, water level near his knees, cars but mostly pickup trucks moving slowly through the water, a small sedan 'dead in the water' in the middle of the intersection.  Wondering how Cousin Doug is doing.  Reporter says the area received up to 20 inches of rain, no storm surge but flooding from rainfall on already saturated soil, Myakka River.  Wondering if Snook Haven off River Road survives.

    I'm waiting for the debates to start over how much government assistance, i.e., money, should be provided to the people who suffered financial loss from Ian.  Everyone who moves to Florida, the east coast, the west coast, or Panhandle, knows they are moving to hurricane territory.  They assume some risk in moving to their warm-weather Eden.  The closer they move to a coastline, the greater the risk.  Also the greater the cost of acquiring their property and the greater the financial potential loss in case of hurricane damage.  Some people in the risk zone live in 'manufactured homes', what we used to call trailers; some live in cinder block mini-homes; others live in mansions.  Some are living in their one and only homes; others are 'snowbirds,' living in their second home.   Some are fully insured; some are uninsured.   Should all be qualified for some sort of financial government assistance?  If not, where to draw the lines? How will the federal government respond?  How will the State of Florida respond?  How will the private sector respond?   How will the "free market" respond to massive demand to limited supplies needed for repair and rebuilding?  What differentiates 'reasonable price increases' based on supply and demand from 'price gouging'?  On top of these private issues, there is the government-to-government issues.  How much money should the Democratic Senate and House provide as direct assistance to the government of Florida, the government of Ron De Santis?  What role will the votes of, e.g., Congressman Ron De Santis and Senator Marco Rubio in voting against providing any federal relief to New York and New Jersey after Hurricane Sandy?  Is there any relevance to the fact that Florida has NO income tax?  NO estate or inheritance tax?  How much of the burden of rebuilding should fall on Florida itself, rather than SOCIALIZING (shudder, shudder😱😱😱) the costs across the whole country, comprised of millions who derive NO benefit from Florida's favor-the-wealthy tax policies?

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    Bought some beef shanks this afternoon to make a big pot of cabbage borscht.  OMG, the cost!!!  So-called ox tails are much worse.

0928

September 28, 2022

 In bed at 10, up at 5:15, 3 plss, 2 glasses of red.  Woke up thinking of St. Finbar's Cemetery tucked away from the world between Saukville and Newburgh, thinking of Hattie Clayton's family, and unreturned calls from Lovie.  Hattie, Tiffany, Chrystal, Brian, Kelly, Lovie, and yet another.  Many fathers, Tiffany following course when I moved away.  42 degrees outside, high of 55 expected.  (Photo of another small, lonely, rural cemetery on CTH "O" north of Saukville, not as pretty as St. Finbar's.)

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Hurricane Ian,  a 'rough beast slouching towards, Florida's south-central West Coast, Sarasota County and Charlotte County, North Port where Dad, Grandma and Grandpa Clausen, Aunt Monica and cousin Doug lived so many years.  Grandma & Grandpa moved there in the 1960s, one bedroom, built of concrete cinder blocks, no air conditioning, no car, a bicycle and a tricycle to get to and from the small grocery store on Highway 41, long before I 75 reached Florida.  Dad moved there in the 70s after Mom died, fleeing, fleeing Kitty and Jim, fleeing Anne and me, fleeing everything and everyone who reminded him of Mary, fleeing Life.  Like probably many Floridians, a fugitive.  In his case, trying to go back to his youth, to life before Pearl Harbor,  before the Marines and Iwo Jima, before James Hartmann and notoriety, before being crushed.  Many hurricanes, many gales, many tropical storms, but a lair for the permanently wounded. "And great multitudes came unto him, having with them those that were lame, blind, dumb, maimed, and many others, and cast them down at Jesus' feet; and he healed them:"  Mt 15:30.  There is a balm in Gilead, to make the wounded whole, to heal the sin-sick soul.

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    At 7 a.m., it's looking like Ian will make landfall right over Punta Gorda, Port Charlotte, Northport area.  NBC News predicting a storm surge of 8 to 12 feet (OMG, Venice, Englewood), 6 to 10 feet at Marco Island where Ed Felsenthal's waterfront mansion is.  Catastrophe on its way, reminding me of the FEMA trailer parks outside of Punta Gorda, Port Charlotte (cousin Jim's house) years after Hurricane Charlie in 2004.

Old friend from college days, Camilla Wakeman Landolt, one of the Notch House gang, and roommate of Anne Smith for 4 years, has a daughter Gretchen Landolt, who lives in Naples.  Cam spends a portion of each winter with Gretchen.

I texted my cousin Christine Klaer, hoping cousin Doug, who lives in his deceased mother's house in Northport, was in a safe place and that cousin Jim's house in Port Charlotte is well protected.  She texted back that Jim had sold the house in Port Charlotte and that Doug was 'riding it out.'

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Following the news reports on Hurricane Ian reminds me of very familiar I am with Florida's central Gulf Coast, from Tampa down to Fort Myers, and even Naples/Marco Island.  Trying to remember when it was that my grandparents moved down to North Port Charlotte, as it was known then.  The city was incorporated by its developers in 1959 and had a population of 178 in 1960, which is about when I think they made the move from Chicago.  Grandpa Dewey turned 62 in 1960 and would have been eligible for Social Security on top of whatever small pension he may have received from Western Electric, his long time employer.  The city's name was shortened to North Port some time later and its population in 2020 was 74,793.  I visited family there for more than 50 years, getting to know North Port, Port Charlotte, Venice, Punta Gorda, and Boca Grande, like the back of my hand.  Many flights into and out of Tampa, Sarasota, and Fort Myers airports.  Many, many memories over all those years.  One memory stands out, kind of prescient (wrong word).  On one of my quarterly visits to my Dad, I came in from the outside of his house where I had been washing windows and asked him if he would like to go for a ride to Boca Grande.  He looked perplexed and said he didn't understand what I was saying.  I was standing only a few feet from him in his tiny kitchenette, and he still was confused when I repeated the words.  I realized he was having a TIA right in front of me, one of several that he had over the years.  It went away quickly and it was as if it had never happened.  We did go out to Boca Grade to the beachside bar and grill for a hamburger and n/a beer.  Today Boca Grande is underwater, with a lot of billionaire homeowners disappointed but with the wherewithal to rebuild with or without taxpayer (debt) financed emergency assistance, for which they will almost undoubtedly qualify, whether needed or not.

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Geri's niece Julie Aquavia, is bringing us lunch from Panera's today.  Julie was one of my students at the Law School many years ago, in private practice in Waukesha now, 3 children: Quinn, Avery, and Kiefer.  She's the oldest daughter of Geri's deceased brother Robert and wife Wilma: Julie, Sue, Missy, and Jennifer, all close to their Aunt Geri.  Julie stayed and visited, mostly with Geri of course, the entire afternoon.  Quite a treat, wonderful seeing her.

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0927

September 27, 2022 

In bed at 10:30, up at 5:15, 4 pss, one glass of red.  Woke with the terrifying thought of a death, not mine.  43 degrees outside, clear sky.

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Dorothy Parker - The Veteran

When I was young and bold and strong,

Oh, right was right, and wrong was wrong!

My plume on high, my flag unfurled,

I rode away to right the world.

"Come out, you dogs, and fight!" said I,

And wept there was but once to die.

But I am old; and good and bad

Are woven in a crazy plaid.

I sit and stay, "The world is so;

And he is wise who lets it go.

A battle lost, a battle won-

The difference is small, my son."

Inertia rides and riddles me;

The which is called Philosophy.

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BUT, 7 homicides in Milwaukee between Friday night and Sunday night, 170 so far this year, more than 700 shootings, 6 over the weekend in addition to the 7 deaths.  Last night's televised news showed security video of 2 cars pulling up in an alley on 31st and Congress, between Capitol and Hampton,  2 men getting out of the cars, 4 men in the cars, all rapidly emptying their handguns into a house and then fleeing.  No report of injuries or death.  Security camera didn't record either license plate.  Milwaukee inner city, African American, young, male.

AND,  Russia's about to annex most of Eastern and Southern Ukraine, threatening the use of nuclear and other 'unconventional' weapons against the West.

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The average lowest price for a ticket to the Green Bay - New England game this Sunday is $228, down $48 from last week.  The average of lowest ticket prices on secondary markets for the Buffalo-Green Bay game on October 30 is $403.

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Worked on Balustrade this morning, and early afternoon.  Almost a disaster, should have known better.  Opened a large tube of cerulean blue, and squeezed to push a small amount of paint to the top where I could lift off a small amount.  Whoops! A big blob of paint erupted from the tube and landed on the painting which was resting on top of my work table, right in front of me.  BIG mistake.  Fortunately, the blob was atop thoroughly dried paint on the bottom of the canvas, so I could wipe it all off with a wet cloth and not harm the underlying paint.  Not smart.  Also tried to glaze a light gray, like a shadow, across the bottom of of her dress.  Didn't come out well.  Also tried to do something with her nose -- also didn't come out well.   Took the wind out of my sails for a while.  Took the painting out of the work area and put it on top of a bookshelf.  Harrumph.😟  Basted brain.

Picking up Peter and Drew at Nicolet tonight at 7.  Both with football practice tonight.  Andy and Anh at Nicolet FEAR parents meeting.

0926

September 26, 2022

In bed @9:30, up at 5:40, 5 or 6 pss, up and down all night, not very restful sleep, one glass of red.

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 Reading a long essay in The New Yorker - The Shocks and Aftershocks of The Waste Land - about the centenary of T. S. Eliot's The Waste Land and a review of the endless number of books written about it.   Reminds me of how I never cared for the poem though I have always liked The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, though never understanding much of either.  It seems like the writer, Anthony Lane, wanted a vehicle for showing off his great erudition in writing about and critiquing Eliot's great erudition.  Also making me think of Godard's deep pessimism and cynicism and wondering whether I'm just not sharp enough to get him, either.  There are times when I swell with gratitude for the liberal education I received in high school and in college and other times when I moan about its deficiencies, or more accurately my own failure to take advantage of all that was available.  A memory from 60 years ago:  my MU classmate and fellow NROTC midshipman and fellow Marine John Boyan, who won his Navy scholarship while serving as an enlisted Marine, sat with my group at the student union one day and, over our cups of coffee, took issue with a friend who complained about the educational opportunities at Marquette.  John asked the friend how many volumes were available to all of us across the street at the university library and what prevented any of us from taking advantage of all of them rather than playing bridge, drinking coffee and kibitzing at the Union.  Point taken.  John would become a helicopter pilot and serve a tour of duty in Vietnam, like the rest of us, which like the rest of us he thankfully survived.  I have warm memories of him and of his wife Linda from Mason City, Iowa, 90 miles north of my roots in Fort Dodge and Duncombe, Iowa.

    Back to Eliot: I read The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock again tonight and enjoyed it even more than usual.  The flow and rhythm of the words are really pleasing; it's a pleasure to read it, to speak it.  It's more than 100 years old, written in 1910, and published in 1915, but it's very readable, and mostly understandable, at least for a 'modernist' poem, so many of which are utterly opaque, indecipherable.  It's depressing, bleak, grim, descriptive of alienation, inability to communicate with one another, sort of anticipating the like of Monsieur Godard and his like.  Seems a bit surprising since it was written before the Great War which I guess I tend to think of as the beginning of THE MODERN MALAISE.  What do I know?

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There is a quote from a children's book in the Eliot article that gave me pause: “Your heart is in a very wicked state. You are under the dominion of some of the worst of feelings; you are self-conceited, ungrateful, undutiful, unjust, selfish, and,” he added in a lower and more solemn tone, “even impious.”  Made me think of myself when too often my 'heart is in a very wicked state.'

I was also struck by an inscription by Eliot in a copy of The Waste Land that he gave to his second wife Valerie; "This book belongs to Valerie, and so does Thomas Stearns Eliot, her husband. He could not give her this book, for he had no copy to give her. She had wanted the book for many years. She had possessed the author for over a year when the book came. She had made his land blossom and birds to sing there." ♦  It reminded me of course of Charles Dennis Clausen and his feelings toward his second wife.💘

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I watched a 1980 interview with Jean-Luc Godard by Dick Cavett.  I didn't understand much of what he said in response to Cavett's questions any more than I understand his movies.  Cavatt's halting style of speaking and asking questions kind of gives me the creeps.

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I worked on Balustrade mixed results today.  Big win: painting the black blanket hanging over the railing.  Also pleased with toning down the ochre background with some carmine and then raw umber glazing. Not so good, to say the least: the woman's nose, her left side. green pretty much as van Dongen painted it, but I'm not van Dongen.  I'll have to live with this overnight, see what I think in the morning.

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0925

September 25, 2022

 In bed at 10:30, awake around 4:30, out of bed at 5:10, 3 pss, 2 glasses of red  Waking thoughts of Aunt Monica, cousins, Scotty Cummings.  Waking back pain has returned.  56 and cloudy, high of 64 expected.

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Geri trimmed my hair last night with the new clippers after reading the instructions and going to YouTube for some more instructions.  Needs to be cut shorter, will work on it again today.  Had many admiring thoughts of her resourcefulness, her DIYism, and her willingness to try stuff where I would just throw up my hands.  Remarkable woman, a wonderful person.

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I read a long piece on eastern European author Joseph Roth, author of The Radetsky March, The Wandering Jews, and many novels  Born and raised in the shtetl of Brody, northeast of what is now Lviv, Ukraine, but once a part of the Austro-Hungarian empire, and of Poland, and of the Soviet Union.  Reading of Brody and the annihilation of its Jews during the Holocaust reminded me of Babi Yar, of Bransk in Poland and of Dvinsk in Latvia, Rothko's birthplace and countless other Ashkenazi towns in Eastern Europe that before the Holocaust had majority or plurality Jewish populations.  Still and always hard to even imagine the horror of it and what it revealed of the nature of humankind.

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Went to Blicks downtown to pick up some carmine paint.  They had only one brand of carmine, very surprising, but I bought it and it looks good on the Balustrade painting.  The whole Third Ward was booming at 11 o'clock on a Sunday morning.  I thought that if I were in my 20s  or maybe 30s, without children and a need for a big yard and 2-car garage, I'd find a spot in the 3rd Ward.

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The carmine paint is just right, a deep, rich hue.  Made some progress today.

0924

September 24, 2022 

In bed at 11, up at 6:30, 2 (3?) glasses of red. 52 degrees and cloudy, dark morning.  

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I asked Geri to cut my hair yesterday and she was kind enough to agree.  The hair was way too long, which I wouldn't mind if it weren't so thin and wispy, falling, blowing all over my head and face.  The haircut reminded again, though I need no reminder, of how much Geri takes care of me, and Lilly, and our home, how truly dependent I am on her, we are on her.  Without her I would be utterly unable to live in this house, or any house, on my own.  Can't get down on the floor cuz I can't get up, can't climb a ladder huzza balance, dizziness, dealing with steps a problem, especially descending, even one step.  Candidate for Bosky Dells, me and Maude Frickert😱 but so much to be thankful for, especially my wife, my O&O.

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Drove Geri to Kohl's department store at Bayshore where she picked up some electric  clippers to work some more on my hair, bless her heart.  

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Michael Reck posted a lovely remembrance of his mom this morning:

"Avatar is back in theaters and I actually want to see it again. It is a great movie, but that isn't why I want to go. As a kid movies were my escape and my Mom and Dad took me to see a lot of great movies, Star Wars(like 26 times) E.T., Superman the Movie, Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and so many more. 

As I got older I started going to the movies with my friends, dates, and girlfriends. I didn't go with my Mom or Dad as often and when did go with them it was still something special. It was nostalgic, even if the movies weren't as great.

Back when Avatar was released, I was staying with my Mom and Dad while I was recovering from my second major spinal surgery. I couldn't be at home because of some crazy circumstances and I wasn't really able to do much, I had a walker I needed to get around, I felt abandoned due to things going on with my marriage at the time, and honestly I was very depressed. My Mom's health also began to decline, she started to need oxygen more and more at the time. So things weren't great. 

We were watching the morning news and they talked about the movie and my Mom looked at me and said let's go see that. The next day we went. My Mom and I both totally loved the movie. But the best part was feeling like a kid again. Watching a movie with my Mom that was a magical film and was so awe inspiring, like the movies we saw when I was young. It was a special moment and the last time I saw a movie with my Mom in a theater. So I want to see it and just remember that moment with Mom. 

Miss you and love you Kitty Reck!!!"

I commented: "Mike, thanks so much so sharing those memories of time with your wonderful incomparable loving Mom. You warm my heart and I note, as always, you are a gifted writer.❤❤"

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More Godard monologue,  2 or 3 Things I Know About Her:

". . . since social relations are always ambiguous since my thoughts divide as much as unite, and my words unite by what they express and isolate by what they omit since a wide gulf separates my subjective certainty of myself from the objective truth others have of me, since I constantly end up guilty, even though I feel innocent, since every event changes my daily life, since I always fail to communicate, to understand, to love and be loved, and every failure deepens my solitude, since . . . I cannot escape the objectivity crushing me nor the subjectivity expelling me since I cannot rise to a state of being nor collapse into nothingness, I have to listen, more than ever I have to look around me at the world, my fellow creature, my brother."

Closing lines of the film:  "I listen to commercials on my transistor.  Thanks to ESSO, I serenely take the road to dreams and forget all else.  I forget Hiroshima and Auschwitz.  I forget Budapest.  I forget Vietnam and minimum wages.  I forget the housing crisis.  I forget the famine in India.  I've forgotten it all, except that since it takes me back to zero, I have to start over from there. (Visual: attractive young man and woman embracing behind a foreground of "Hollywood chewing gum.  The withdrawing camera shot shows an assortment of commercially available cleaning products and other consumer goods.)

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Worked on "Woman at the Balustrade" this afternoon.  Still iffy.  Almost got in big trouble with a burnt sienna glaze on her face.

0923

September 23, 2022

 In bed at 9, awake at 2:30, and out of bed at 2:55. 3 pss, no vino.   Left hip 'gave out' on me once during the day, again tonight.  Sharp pain, then 'giving out', then went away.  Lilly sleeping on the TV room floor at 3, moved to the living room when I came in.  41 degrees outside.  Could almost put a log on in the fireplace, but the cool temp won't last long enough to ensure a good draft. A high of 64 is expected.

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Started watching another Godard film last night - Vivre sa vie - 1962, starring his then muse, future wife, and heartbreaker Anna Karina.  The story and film are reminiscent of Louise Brooks in Pandora's Box, with Brooks' bobbed haircut, life as a prostitute, and violent death.  At 4 this morning, tuned back into Vivre, though tempted to kiss it off, wondering if I had seen it years ago but in any event finding Godard's unrelenting attention on nasty (wrong word, sordid?) characters depressing.  Maybe that was his point.  The film has Godard's trademark philosophical discussion between the heroine/protagonist and a real philosopher, just encountered in a cafe: Nana: Why must one always talk? I think one should often just keep quiet, and live in silence. The more one talks, the less the words mean.  Philosophe: It's always struck me, the fact we can't live without speaking.  Nana: Words should express just what one wants to say.  Do they betray us?  Philosophe: Yes, but we betray them too. . . . I believe, one learns to speak well only when one has renounced life for a while. . . there's a kind of ascetic rule that stops one from speaking well until one sees life with detachment  And so on, very philosophical, very French, very focused on language and meaning and communication between humans, hints of deconstructionism and Jacques Derrida.  Direct references to Kant, Hegel, and Leibnitz.  Just what we would expect from a streetwalking prostitute schmoozing with a stranger in a coffee shop.😎  The story has a grisly ending for Nana, just as for Lulu in Pandora's Box.  Godard's naming of the protagonist "Nana"seems a pretty clear reference to Emile Zola's novel Nana, in which the protagonist, also a prostitute, also dies a grisly death.

    How much Godard can I take?  Why am I so repulsed by his films, at least the ones I have seen?  His view of human nature is bleak, for sure, but so are those of Thomas Hobbes, H. L. Mencken, Reinhold Niebuhr, and so many, many others.  Is my view all that different?  Is it 'just' that he seems to offer no 'redeeming social/human value's our lives, to our species, no goodness, no love, no altruism, no heroes and no saints?  As I watch these films I keep in mind that he had lived and grown up in Europe through World War II and its grim aftermath.  He was born in non-combatant Switzerland in 1930 and lived there throughout the war but considered himself 'Franco-Swiss', with a foot in each country.  Neither the French government at Vichy nor les francais covered themselves with a lot of honor during the war, witness Ophuls' "The Sorrow and the Pity." Plus, it wasn't only the Axis powers who behaved with abundant cruelty during the war, but also the Allies, witness the terror bombing of Dresden, Tokyo, and other cities.  And of course the Grand Finale: Hiroshima and Nagasaki.  How could one have a benign opinion of the human race in the face of such evidence of profound cruelty, stupidity, etc.   How can it be any different now?  But who wants to be fed a steady diet of this and think of it as what - entertainment?  

    All these films call to mind the question of what the function of art is, first in terms of the artist, secondly, in terms of the - what is the right word?- consumer, enjoyer, viewer, reader, listener?  I think of 'artists' simply as people who make something that requires thinking and some kind of design choice, a 5 year old building a sand castle is an artist, as is an 80-year-old amateur painter crudely painting knockoffs of favorite paintings done by more gifted artists, or a meal preparer designing a salad with many ingredients.  The artist's purpose in doing her art may be necessity, or pecuniary, or pleasure, or some need for self-expression, or, perhaps, propaganda to control or manipulate the thoughts of others, or whatever.  It seems more complicated to consider the purpose of art in terms of the consumer.  To learn, to be entertained, to be soothed, to be excited, even to be told how to think about something, how to feel about something as with religious art and some social art - Nazi and Soviet art for example.  So what doeone  expect to get from watching Godard's 1960s New Wave films?  I don't know.  What was he 'getting off his chest' in making them?  What are we 'getting on our chest' by watching them?

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    Early morning TV features dramatic scenes out of Russia (St. Petersburg, Moscow) of men being drafted and loaded onto buses, and men fleeing to avoid service.  What if they gave a war and nobody came?  What if we had all fled to Canada during the Vietnam catastrophe?  The Good Old Days: campus demonstrations, Pentagon and Dow Chemical, Monsanto protests over napalm & Agent Orange, SDS and The Weathermen, America Love It or Leave It, . . . So it went with me as a perplexed, confused, embarrassed, conflicted, ashamed, and guilty observer.  Not that I was 'best' at anything, but inevitably mindful of Yeats' The Second Coming: "Things fall apart, the center cannot hold . . .The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity."

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    Did some work on Woman at the Balustrade.  Pretty iffy.

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    Drove Peter to football practice at 3 this afternoon.  It's only a 10-minute drive from his home to Nicolet but I enjoy the opportunity to spend time and chat with him.

0922

September 22, 2022

Up late last night, watching all of Lawrence O'Donnell, sharing his schadenfreude over Trump's legal setbacks in the 11th Circuit and in New York State with Letitia James' $250,000,000 civil suit against him for fraud.  Got up at 7:30.  Mistakenly said yesterday was Autumnal Equinox; it's today.  Geri awakened at 7:40 by a phone call from David Hobbs; her car is ready.

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This morning's NYT carries a story headlined "Ukrainian Officials in Liberated Towns Are Grappling With the Issue of Identifying People They Believe Helped the Enemy."  It calls to mind Marcel Ophuls' 4 hour 1969 documentary streaming on OVID "The Sorrow and the Pity" about France's and the French people's collaboration with the Nazis during the Occupation and about those active in the Resistance.  The issue of how to behave while living under armed occupation by a powerful nation is not a simple one.  The occupying forces are in a very real sense 'the enemy,' but they are also the real government, for better or worse.  Some people treat the occupiers as evil, while others seek a modus vivendi because, as in John Mellencamp's 'Jack and Diane," oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.  Resistance may be noble, but perhaps it is also stupid, and self-defeating in terms of making the best of a bad situation.  One thing we know: history is written by the winners.  If the Russians were to prevail in eastern and southern Ukraine, the 'collaborators' will be treated as heroes, practical people; if Ukraine ousts the Russians, 'collaborators' are 'traitors.'

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Much talk on the news shows last night and today about the 11th Circuit smackdown of Judge Cannon's special master decision giving Donald Trump about everything he asked for.  But it's a bit like the 'collaborator' issue.  To Trump worshippers, Cannon is a hero.  To the rest of us, a disgrace to the robes she wears.  Ultimately, winners write the history.

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I have a 24" X 30" canvas downstairs waiting to be painted.  I'm going to try to do a knockoff of Kees van Donjon's 'Woman at the Balustrade.'  May be more than I can handle.

0921

September 21, 2022

 In bed before 10, awake at 3:40, out of bed before 4, und. pss, one cognac.

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8:40 tonight marks the arrival of the autumnal equinox.  Andy told me yesterday that folklore has it that one can balance an egg upright on this night due to the earth's magnetic field and axis tilt.  In any case, as the rising sun moves steadily south over Lake Michigan, the sunlight streaming through the window in our east-facing family room moves steadily north, moving from Jimmy's glider chair across the long expanse of the sofa, ending on the face of the fireplace. "As sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our life.' 

     One benefit of all the car frustrations we've been enduring recently is that I've had a lot of great conversations with Andy about his family, Life, work, legal education, and the state of the world.  His views are always interesting to me and have been since he was a tyke.  Last night he was coaching Drew's flag-football team since the originally-designated coach somehow took a powder.  Today he leaves work early to be home when the dishwasher installation guy gets there.  After that, we're hoping that the Lexus is repaired and that Andy can pick it up and drive it safely.  I'm a bit fearful that the mechanic's substitute customized solution won't work.  Maybe I'm just down on auto repair operators right now, no surprise. . . . . Andy called @ 11:45, Lexus ready.  Picked me up to drop him off at Andrew Toyota.  Hallelujah.

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The morning news is distressing: Putin has mobilized the reserves.  It calls to mind my experience after I resigned my regular commission in the Marines and was on 'standby reserve' (or whatever it was called) for 2 years, i.e., fresh from active service, ready to slide right into active duty, and subject to recall at any time.  Those 2 years coincided with my 1st and 2nd year of law school, and a very few of my classmates thought it was humorous to misinform me, as President Johnson kept increasing the number of troops in Vietnam, that he had 'called up the reserves.'  To me, of course, it was as funny as a broken crutch or a heart attack.  Neither Johnson nor Nixon ever did activate the reserves for service in Vietnam, probably out of fear that there would be rioting in the streets and massive opposition, especially after 1968.  One wonders how what Putin is calling a 'partial mobilization' will be received by the Russian populace.

    The mobilization news also increases concern that Putin and his plodding military will resort to the use of tactical nuclear weapons or biological or chemical or other unconventional weapons, or some combination thereof.  [“To those who allow themselves such statements about Russia, I want to remind you that our country also has various means of destruction, and some components are more modern than those of the NATO countries,” Putin said.]  The thought of Putin and his military being backed into a corner is troubling, to say the least.  In his speech announcing the call-up of 300,000 reserve troops, he also again uttered a nor-so-veiled threat of using nuclear weapons.  His almost mystical belief in Mother Russia, the Russian Empire, Russkiy Mir, egged on by Patriarch Kirill of the Russian Orthodox Church, makes the Ukraine 'special military operation' almost a holy war, a crusade, in the mind of hyper-nationalist Putin.  If possible, holy wars are even more ruthless, less inhibited than 'ordinary wars'.  All's fair, sanctioned, and even demanded by God.

    By happenstance, I was listening to Tchaikovsky's 6th Symphony, the Pathetique, in my AirPods as I read the news out of Russia.  Seemed appropriate, especially the 4th movement, the adagio lamentoso.  My very first classical record purchase as a teenager was Tchaikovsky's 6th, a cheapie at our local National Foodstore.

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    Robin Givhan is my favorite writer at the WaPo.  Her piece this morning is on King Charles III, including this: "The new king is the embodiment of so many traditions and injustices that Western culture is struggling to come to terms with — stolen land, stolen wealth, stolen labor, stolen hope — and among them is the notion of inevitability." Anyone with more than a smidgen of knowledge of British history should be their tendency to gag a little at all the pomp and circumstance surrounding his mother's funeral. 

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    Watched Godard's second feature film, Le Petit Soldat, set mostly in Geneva during the French Algerian War.  Brutal scenes of torture (burning flesh, near drowning, water-boarding, electric shock) by French intelligence agents on the protagonist, Bruno Forestier, an amoral French citizen believed to have desired information about Algerian agents.  Interesting colloquy between the protagonist and Algerian agent girlfriend:  Bruno: It's funny how everybody hates the French today.  I'm very proud to be French.  But I'm also against nationalism.  One defends ideas, not territories.  I love France because I love Joachim du Bellay and Louis Aragon.  I love Germany because I love Beethoven.  I don't love Barcelona because of Spain.  I love Spain because a city like Barcelona exists and America because I love American cars."   The French operatives end up torturing and killing Bruno's girlfriend, who was an aide of some sort for the Algerians whom she supported simply because 'they have an ideal, the French have no ideal.'  All of the characters in this film seemed like moral and emotional zombies to me, the living dead.  Watching this film and Breathless together lead me to wonder what Godard's moral and emotional state was when he made them.  I keep in mind that France was very much in the post-WWII recovery period in 1969, recovering from German occupation, living with those who collaborated with the Germans during the occupation, defeat by the colonized Vietnamese at Dien Bien Phu in 1954, reliant on the U.S. for financial and other support, and fighting a vicious was in Algeria.  The era of Camus and L'Etranger, Sartre and Huis Clos [L'enfer, c'est les autres.]  A profoundly depressing movie.  In any case, none of the characters in this film seems much alive, morally or emotionally.  So, so far, I'm not a big Godard fan though I'll try to watch some of his other films.

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Old friend Janine Geske, MULS class of 1975, posted a VERY complimentary essay she wrote about me in 2008 for the MULS Faculty Blog, with an official faculty photo of me in my 'salad days'.  I couldn't recognize the person she wrote about.  Reminded me of the classic old Lone Ranger show: 'Who WAS that masked man?' 

0920

September 20, 2022

In bed by  10:10, awake at 5 but back to sleep till 6:40, sorrowful thoughts of mother, father, and sister, all gone.  Andy to pick me up around 8 after taking Peter and Lizzie to school.

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Op-ed in this morning's NYT: "Sweden Has Become Unbearable."  "Steadily rising for the past decade, the Swedish far right has profited from the country’s growing inequalities, fostering an obsession with crime and an antipathy to migrants. Its advance marks the end of Swedish exceptionalism, the idea that the country stood out both morally and materially."  Neo-nazi party has become kingmaker in the Swedish parliament.  So it goes, here as there.

Another story of interest in this morning's NYT: "Is Choosing Death Too Easy in Canada" about recent amendments to Canada's assisted suicide law including among its beneficiaries people with chronic, “grievous and irremediable” conditions and physical disabilities even if they are not 'terminally ill.'

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Geri got a call from Hobbs re Honda: timing problem, requires replacement of timing (chain?), in excess of $800.  Needs to stay at the shop all week, no loaner available till G. squawked.  Magically, a loaner was made available. . . . . Andy got a call from Andrew, they didn't have the part that they needed to fix the Lexus, and it wouldn't be available till the end of October (2005 car!)  But they said they would adapt some other tubing that should be a permanent fix, less expensive part, more expensive labor, and the car would be available tomorrow.  I'm skeptical.😡😡😡

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Seems like I spent most of the day in the car dealing with commuter traffic to and from downtown, about 1 and 1/2 hours round trip in the morning and in the afternoon.  Plus drive to Hobbs Honda to pick up the loaner.  Shamefully irritable about all the auto expenses and frustration.  Tomorrow no driving to and from downtown and hopefully getting the Volvo back when and if Andy's new dishwasher is installed and his Lexus is fixed.🙏🙏🙏

0919

September 19, 2022

In bed at 9, up at 3, 2(?)pss, no vino.

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Last few days of astrological summer, fall beginning at 8:04 p.m. on Thursday, 9/22.  As it happens, the weather changes then also, noticeably cooler.

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I'm scheduled for my 3rd covid booster shot at 11 a.m. at the VA, the 'bivalent' booster designed to provide more protection against the prevalent omega variant.  Joe Biden was interviewed on "60 Minutes" last night and said 'the pandemic is over.'  Hundreds of Americans are dying every day of covid, mostly elderly, mostly unvaccinated, mostly with underlying morbidities.  More federal funding is needed to reduce the number of unvaccinated and increase the protection of the elderly with underlying morbidities, so Biden's statement the 'the pandemic is over' will be surpassingly unhelpful to the public health folks trying to get that funding.  Current CDC figures show 329 covid deaths per day and 4,100 daily  new hospital admissions.  Joe opens his mouth and another gaffe falls out.  Reminds me of the statement allegedly uttered by Obama about his VP: 'Don't underestimate Joe's ability to fuck things up.' . . . . .Very very few people getting the new booster at the VA.  3 or 4, one in a wheelchair.  3 more in the waiting area.

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After watching Breathless yesterday, I watch the first 2/3rds of Godard's Tout Va Bien or 'Everything's OK' with Jane Fonda and Yves Montand.  Made 4 years after the May 1968 strike led by French students and joined by much of French society.  1968, was perhaps the most cataclysmic in my life, at least until 2016.  Stunning tracking footage along the checkout counters of a supermarket toward the end of the film.  I fear I will never again look at a checkout lane at Sendik's again without thinking of Tout Va Bien.  The film targets consumer capitalism, the 'establishment', cops, unions, corporate 'news' outlets, marriage, communist hucksterism, and everything about modern life 4 years after the Great Upheaval of 1968.  Godard was long a Maoist, anticapitalist, anti-imperialist, anti-Vietnam War, pro-Palestinian, anti-Zionist and accused anti-semite.  He didn't seem to enjoy much of modern society or modern life.

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Yesterday's NYTimes carried an article titled "Student Loan Subsidies Could Have Dangerous, Unintended Side Effects." The writer argues that the federal subsidies created in Biden's student debt-relief program could create a perverse incentive for both schools and students to pay less attention to the real cost of the education they provide or seek.    This year, the tuition cost of an entering 1st-year law student at Marquette University Law School, where I spent almost a third of my life studying and teaching is $49,710.  When I matriculated there in 1967, the tuition was $575 per semester, $1,150 per year.  The consumer price index in 1967 was 33.40; the current CPI is somewhat less than 300, a multiple of almost 9 from 1967.  The tuition cost has increased by a multiple of more than 43, i.e., approaching 5 times more than the rate of inflation.   The administration of the school in 1967 consisted of a dean, a then recently-created assistant deanship, a law librarian, and a part-time assistant librarian.   The "leadership team" at the law school now consists of the dean, 4 associate deans, 4 assistant deans, and 11 directors of various programs.  My entering class had 119 students; the 2022 class has 177 full-time and a handful of part-time, about 1/3 again as large.  The full-time faculty in 1967 numbered 8; in 2022, it's 31 according to the school's website although a few of those are deans or emeritus professors.  Thus, while the school's enrollment has increased by barely 1/3, the faculty has at least tripled, the administration has approximately sextupled, and the tuition has increased 43-fold, all while the CPI has increased by only a factor of 9.  I do not mean to suggest that Marquette adequately staffed or funded its law school back in 1967; it most assuredly did not.  Nonetheless, the legal education provided was most assuredly sufficient to prepare a great many of us for the practice of law.  In any event, as the numbers show (at least in part), one need not long wonder how it came to pass that tuition has risen so exorbitantly over the years.  What has been true at Marquette and its law school has been true generally in higher education.  The higher education industry has regularly opted to increase the cost of its product/service, fueled inevitably by the ready availability of student loans, i.e., student indebtedness.  Student debt forgiveness is a complicated issue about which it's hard not to have mixed feelings.  But as to where much of the blame lies, I am reminded of Fitzgerald's piercing description in The Great Gatsby:  “They were careless people, Tom and Daisy- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”

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Ran some errands this afternoon (Costco gas, Michael's acrylics, Ace furnace filter, Sendiks veggies), then Geri and I dropped the Honda off at David Hobbs again, picked up by Andy in the Volvo.  Will be picked up by him again @ 8 tomorrow morning, hopefully to pick up repaired Honda and Lexus and get back to normal.

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Watching Channel 12 5 o'clock news to learn that since Friday night, 20 people have been shot by firearms in Milwaukee, 19 in the 'inner city,' 1 on the South Side.  Three have died from their wounds.

    National news devoted almost exclusively to the pomp and circumstance surrounding the funeral of QEII.  Maybe 5 minutes devoid to typhoon damage in Alaska, hurricane damage in Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic.  I'm sure millions of viewers lap it up.  Enough already.😒

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0918

September 18, 2022

In bed around 10, up distressed with GERD at midnight, not choking, gasping, run-through-a-box-of-Kleenex, trying to sleep on the recliner but enough to keep me awake for some time.  Put another 2 pillows on the bed to build a wedge, which worked pretty well.  Up at 7:45.  Tired, pack pain.b. . . . . . . .

Sunday morning talk shows focussing on the latest high visibility skirmish in our never-ended Civil War: Texas' Dr. Strangelove a/k/a Greg Abbot and Florida's Benito De Santis sending loads of refugees to NYC, Martha's Vineyard, and D.C.'s Naval Observatory home of VP Kamela Harris.  One of the persons sent to Harris' home is one month old.  All of the refugees were apparently misled in boarding the buses and aircraft that took them away from El Paso and San Antonio, TX.  Reminds me of the condemned practice within the military of transferring problem troops or officers, undesirable for one reason or another, to other units; 'let someone else handle it.'  The problem of our tsunami of immigrants from Central and South America wasn't created by NYC or Martha's Vineyard or the city of Washington, D.C. Europe is moving hard right in large measure because of immigration by Blacks and Browns, so is the United States.  

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“America controls the world and will continue to do so until Russia is prosperous and Europe united. The future of mankind depends upon the action of America during the next half-century. If America advances smoothly upon the path of capitalistic imperialism which is indicated by present tendencies and opportunities, there will be a gradually increasing oppression of the rest of the world, a widening gulf between the wealth of the New World and the poverty of the Old, a growing hatred of America among the exploited nations, and at last, under socialist guidance, a world-wide revolt involving repudiation of all debts to America. 

Whether, in such a struggle, England would be on the side of America or on that of Europe and Asia, it is impossible to guess; it would depend upon whether the Americans had thought our friendship or our trade the better worth securing. In either event, the war would probably be so long and so destructive that nothing would be left of European civilization at the end, while America itself would be reduced to poverty and might experience at home the socialism which had been crushed elsewhere. 

Thus a not improbable outcome would be a class war in America, leading to the destruction of industrialism, the death by starvation and disease of about half the population of the globe, and ultimately the return to a simpler manner of life. After reverting for centuries to the life of Red Indians, the Americans might be re-discovered by a second Columbus, hunting wild beasts with bows and arrows on Manhattan Island. Then the process would no doubt begin anew, reaching a similar futile culmination and a similar tragic collapse.”

— Bertrand Russell, The Prospects of Industrial Civilization (1923), Part I, Ch. VII: Socialism in Advanced Countries, p. 219 

Wow - Russell was even more pessimistic than I am!  Not sure exactly what he meant by 'industrialism' but it seems clear it's directly related to capitalism, imperialism, and globalization.  I'm thinking we would probably go through some kind of color war (brown and black v. white) before we would get to a class war.  Who knows?

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I glazed my egg painting and added text a la Rene Magritte and current Catholic and right-wing abortion doctrine.

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I watched Breathless, Jean-Luc Godard's 1960 film starring Jean Seberg and Jean-Paul Belmondo.  It is commonly rated as a great film in cinema history and this was the second time I have watched it.  I didn't get it the first time, and I didn't get it the second.  Belmondo's character could hardly be less relatable unless it is by Seberg's.  Each appears to be sociopathic or near it.  He kills and steals without a second thought.  She turns him in to the police with no regret, no compunction.  Visually, Belmondo is rarely seen without a cigarette, looking like a 'blunt,' hanging out of his mouth.  A viewer wonders how he can breathe with all the smoke engulfing his face.  The dialogue, at least the English subtitles used on the Criterion Edition, seems at times ludicrous.  Maybe it was intended to be this way to show Belmondo's character's 'make believe' persona as a Humphrey Bogart gangster-type tough guy, but the effect is to make it hard for this viewer to get much out of the movie.  Jean-Luc Godard went on to be hailed as an auteur and founder of the French New Wave.  He died this month by assisted suicide at age 91. Jean-Paul Belmondo became an international star after Breathless, spent most of the rest of his life acting in films, and died last year at age 88.   Jean Seberg, a supporter of liberal 'left wing' causes,  was surveilled, hounded, and maligned by the FBI under J. Edgar Hoover and committed suicide in 1979, at age 40.

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0917

September 17, 2022

 In bed at 9, awake at 2:30, bait bucket/squirrel cage brain, up at 3:13, pas de vin.  Thoughts of Rothko, technique, thoughts of his painting as he was painting, strict secrecy, bourgeois appearance, father a pharmacist, born in Dvinsk, Dvinsk ghetto, the headline "10 Jews left in Drinks, 31,000 Dead". Thoughts of 7303 S. Emerald, father yelling at me, sitting on the floor leaning against the wall in the living room near kitchen doorway, people in the kitchen, Hartman.  Saturday is the day to charge the med-alert device.  Zap half-cup of yesterday's coffee. . . .  Back to bed @ 5:15, up and down till 6:45, little sleep.  Beautiful dawn sky to the east,  clouds a mixture of blue-grays and bright shining whites.  Many chickadees congregate on the feeders.

Distorted 'fun house' photo, bursting brain.

.......

I'm trying to cut down on posting to FaceBook.  My views are so often jaundiced that I have every reason to believe many of my FB friends have stopped reading them.  No wonder.  I have turned into (or have always been?) a crabby (started to type 'crappy') old man.  Can't exchange views with Kitty anymore; this blog serves as a journal, an outlet for my so -often-jaundiced thoughts.

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I haven't worked on painting for a few days, since I satisfied myself with the salvage job on "Woman in a Black Hat."  I decided I ought to work on something so I decided to try to paint an egg, a brown egg on a white background.  It turns out that that is not such an easy project (color, shape, texture), but I started at least.

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Geri at the rock-climbing facility on Commerce Street south of North Avenue for Ellis's birthday party for her friends.  I'm at home reading Adam Gopnik's New Yorker essay "Can't We Come Up With Something Better Than Liberal Democracy?"  He reminds us that neither now nor perhaps ever has broad-based democracy been considered by everyone to be a desirable form of government.  Also read David Leonhardt's "'A Crisis Coming': The Twin Threats to American Democracy" in this morning's NYT.  AirPods in my ears, listening to Faure's Requiem, soothing settling music for troubling, unsettling readings.  . . . . .  Then, as it happened, I finally watched a CSPAN book program I had been saving for some time, on Robert Parkinson's Thirteen Clocks: How Race United the Colonies and Made the Declaration of Independence.  In it, the following quote by John Adams in 1818 at age 83 appeared: "The colonies had grown up under constitutions of government so different, there was so great a variety of religions, they were composed of so many different nations, their customs, manners, and habits [my addition: climate and economy] had so little resemblance, and their intercourse had been so rare, and their knowledge of each other so imperfect, that to unite them in the same principles in theory, and the same system of action, was certainly a very difficult enterprise.  The complete accomplishment of it, in so short a time and by such simple means, was perhaps a singular example in the history of mankind.  Thirteen clocks were made to strike together - a perfection of mechanism which no artist had ever before effected."  Parkinson summarized his book at the beginning of his talk: "The argumentation for how to make the cause, the cause of fighting the Revolution, was by turning to and employing all sorts of stories, language, images about slave insurrections and violence in the backcountry, especially about Indigenous People."  No surprise there!  "Patriots" like Adams and Jefferson seized on the one non-controversial thing that all the colonists had in common (unlike religion, views on slavery, etc.) and that was FEAR of slave insurrection against their white enslavers and massacres of colonists by 'Indians', domestic insurrectionists and Indian savages working with the King.'

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0916

September 16, 2022

In bed at 10:30, up at 6:30, 4 pss,  2 &1/2 glasses of red.

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U. S. District Judge Aileen Cannon denied DOJ's motion to stay her earlier order respecting the classified documents seized at Mar-a-Lago. The case caption seems so appropriate: Donald J. Trump v. United States of America, Trump against the country, Trump against the national government.  I confess to never having a serious doubt that Trump harbors a treasonous heart, that he feels no loyalty to anything or anyone other than himself, a true sociopath, psychopath.  The Trump-appointed federal judge refused even to accept the federal Department of Justice's representation that certain documents were "classified" and that delaying the investigation around those documents posed a risk to national security and 'irreparable harm', reflecting the deep antipathy and total distrust of the Republican Party, the Federalist Society, and Trump supporters of federal authority to investigate crime and protect national security.  As remarkable as Cannon's ruling is, one can't be assured that it will be overturned by the Court of Appeals for the 11th Circuit, where 6 or the 11 judges were appointed by Trump.   "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; mere anarchy is loosed upon the world."

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Jamelle Bouie in this morning's NYT:

The short story behind the now-averted railroad strike is this: The largest freight railroad carriers in the country were willing to cripple the transportation infrastructure of the United States rather than allow their workers to take the occasional day off to see a doctor or attend to their families. . . . . .Today, even with the surge of union activity in fast food and other service-related industries, private-sector unionization is still at its lowest point since the passage of the National Labor Relations Act of 1935. And yet, as we’ve seen, where unions are strong — or at least, where they have strength — they are still able to challenge the rapacious and exploitative behavior of business owners and employers.

I am reminded of a different labor dispute ('dispute' much too anodyne a word) and Pete Seeger's Which Side Are You On

Come all of you good workers

Good news to you I'll tell

Of how the good ol' union

Has come in here to dwell

Which side are you on?

Which side are you on?

My daddy was a miner

And I'm a miner's son

And I'll stick with the union

'Til every battle's won

They say in Harlan County

There are no neutrals there

You'll either be a union man

Or a thug for J. H. Blair

[Chorus]

Which side are you on?

Which side are you on?

Oh workers can you stand it?

Oh tell me how you can

Will you be a lousy scab

Or will you be a man?

Which side are you on?

Which side are you on?

Don't scab for the bosses

Don't listen to their lies

Us poor folks haven't got a chance

Unless we organize

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Geri is off to visit her friend Elise.  My hero, my Matthew 25:31 saint.

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Saw part of the pomp and circumstance in Westminster Hall while catching up on the news, the traditional Vigil of the Princes.  The queen's children - Charles, Anne, Edward, and Andrew - standing vigil around the queen's remains, all wearing what appear to be naval officers' uniforms, including Princess Anne in bicorne, white trousers, and jackboots.  The sleeves of Prince Charles' tunic sported the rank insignia of the highest admiral of the Royal Navy.  The disgraced Prince Andrew, like the others, sports a row of what appear to be military/naval medals and other insignia of Orders of Chivalry, as if he and his siblings actually served and endured the rigors of qualifying for and fulfilling the duties of military/naval service.  Andrew apparently did serve in the nasty Falklands War with Argentina, another example of Britain's imperialism and militarism.  Pass the basin, please.  It can't help but remind us that the great wealth and privileges of the royal family, and of other 'peers,' was obtained by force, by violence, out of the muzzles of rifles, artillery, and naval guns.  Not 'rule, Britannia, but Cruel, Britannia. ( The downgraded Prince Harry, who did serve two tours of duty in Afghanistan, we recall was not permitted to wear his uniform.)

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Ellis' 8th birthday is today, Katherine and Jordan's anniversary (1995).  I stayed home from pizza at David and Sharon's.  Down to one car, with Lexus laid up at Andrew Toyota until at least Tuesday.  With one car, I would be antsy to be getting home while Geri having a great time.  Stayed home instead.

0915

September 15, 2022

In bed at 10:30, up at 6, 3 or 4 pss, 1 and 1/2 glasses of red.  Woke up from a sad dream of resigning from the old firm only to find out I was being fired by the firm, new management, getting out 'old wood,' empty out desk,' hand over keys and parking pass, 'perp walk' to door.  Reminiscent of how the executive director of  WEAIT was fired years ago by his board of directors, when I was tasked with supervising his cleaning out of the desk, walking to the door, etc.  Dream based on how non-entrepreneurial I was as a lawyer, hating to charge large fees, realizing that in my work at my firm, my own family and old friends couldn't afford to hire me. Never cut out for building a private practice of wealthy people.  Never cut out for 'fee for service, hourly billing' either.  Inherently conflictual.

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I haven't tested my blood glucose since August 7th.  Went back to the bedroom to do a finger-stick but found Lilly lying down between my bed and the desk where I do the sticking.  Decided not to disturb her.  Part of her behavioral changes in her old age is spending more time in my bedroom and spending more time staring at me in the TV room, following me, and waiting during pit stops.  

    Blood sugar at 9 a.m., fasting, 142.

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Geri left the house at 7 for a 7:45 appointment with her ophthalmologist about cataract removal.  Called at 7:40, GPS malfunctioned, heading east on College Avenue, instead of toward Greenfield destination.  Pulled up Google Maps to help.  Called the Greenfield office who said they give patients a 15-minute leeway on appointments.  Doesn't sound good, keeping my fingers crossed.

    Geri got home at 10:45 and reported that she arrived at her destination around 8:20 for the 7:45 appointment.  Said my directions weren't good.  A very disappointing start to her day, upsetting.

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White House has announced 'tentative settlement' of freight rail labor dispute, avoidance of strike.  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. stated in 1896 the truth of capitalism: "One of the eternal conflicts out of which life is made up is that between the effort of every man to get the most he can for his services, and that of society, disguised under the name of capital, to get his services for the least possible return."  Vegelahn v. Guntner, 167 Mass. 92, 44 N.E. 1077, 1081.

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Today's papers reveal a right-wing coalition has defeated the center-left government in Sweden.  Yesterday's paper revealed that Italy's next leader may be ultra-rightist Georgia Meloni.   Sweden, Italy, Poland, and Hungary.  Democracy, mene mene tekel upharsin.  Immigration, immigration, immigration: Syrians, Afghans, Iraqis, Somalis, et al.  Muslims and "Non-Nordics", memories of 'non-Aryans.'

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"We are all tattooed in our cradles with the beliefs of our tribe; the record may seem superficial, but it is indelible." Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Poet at the Breakfast Table.

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I watched another YouTube lecture on Mark Rothko this morning, "Exploring Mark Rothko with Annie Cohen-Solal, in conversation with Peter Selz."  Very interesting.  In Q&A at the end of the program, Peter Selz noted that Rothko had been very depressed and sick before his 1970 suicide (slit both wrists), couldn't paint from the effects of medications, bad arthritis, and failing eyesight.

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Took Andy's Lexus to Andrew Toyota to get the power steering fixed.  Hoping it will be done tomorrow and we'll get the Volvo back.

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I finished reading Eva Hoffman's Shtetl, wondering why Caela thought she detected some elements of excuse-making or whitewash in it.  Watched an hour interview with her on YouTube.

0914

September 14, 2022

In bed at @10:30, up at 5:30, 3 or 4 pss, 3 glasses of red.  Some high back pain again on awakening.  Stayed up later than normal watching the first part of an interesting lecture on YouTube by Christopher Rothko on his father's color field (and earlier) paintings  -"Mark Rothko and the Inner World."  One of Mark Rothko's quotes reminded me of Niebuhr: ". . .  the fear of death and pain and frustration seems the most constant binder between human beings and we know that a common enemy is a much better coalescer of energies . . . than is a common positive end."

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    I took a photo of the salvage job on Woman in a Black Hat.  I'm not nuts about the painting but I like the photo of it

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    Ed Yong has an article in the current atlantic.com titled "What Makes Brain Fog So Unforgiving." "And despite its nebulous name, brain fog is not an umbrella term for every possible mental problem. At its core, Hellmuth said, it is almost always a disorder of “executive function”—the set of mental abilities that includes focusing attention, holding information in mind, and blocking out distractions. These skills are so foundational that when they crumble, much of a person’s cognitive edifice collapses. Anything involving concentration, multitasking, and planning—that is, almost everything important—becomes absurdly arduous. “It raises what are unconscious processes for healthy people to the level of conscious decision making,” Fiona Robertson, a writer based in Aberdeen, Scotland, told me."  Hmm . . . seems like premature aging, some form of dementia.  [I had to read this sentence in the article 3 times: "For example, Hellmuth noted that in her field of cognitive neurology, “virtually all the infrastructure and teaching” centers on degenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s, in which rogue proteins afflict elderly brains."  Reason: first 2 times I read the word 'centers' as a noun, rather than as a verb.]  Frightening article.

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    I see in the New Yorker that Jean-Luc Godard died in an assisted suicide in Switzerland.  His lawyer told the NYT that Godard had "multiple disabling pathologies" at age 91.  At about the same time, Lindsey Graham was announcing plans to introduce legislation to ban abortions nationwide after 15 weeks, except in cases of rape, incest, or to save the life of the mother.  I wonder what Graham would say about Godard's decision that he had lived long enough (or probably too long.)  "Life is an end in itself, and the only question as to whether it is worth living is whether you have had enough of it." Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

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    Also read a book review in yesterday's NYT of CATHOLICISM: A Global History From the French Revolution to Pope Francis, by John T. McGreevy.  According to the reviewer, McGreevy explains "how the epic struggle between reformists and traditionalists has led us to the present moment in the Roman Catholic Church."  I suspect I would very much like to read the book but at 528 pages, probably not in the cards, requiring focused 'attention, holding information in mind, and blocking out distractions.'

    The reviewer cites another NYT article "Deep in Vatican Archives, Scholar Discovers Flabbergasting Secrets" about David Kertzer's research on Pious XII.  More Niebuhr stuff: 

"Mr. Kertzer makes the case that Pius XII’s overriding dread of Communism, his belief that the Axis powers would win the war, and his desire to protect the church’s interests all motivated him to avoid offending Hitler and Mussolini, whose ambassadors had worked to put him on the throne. The pope was also worried, the book shows, that opposing the Führer would alienate millions of German Catholics."

And a reminder of my first visit to Rome, with Mike Hogan,in 1995:

"On Oct. 16, 1943, Nazis rounded up more than a thousand of them throughout the city, including hundreds in the Jewish ghetto . . . .For two days the Germans held the Jews in a military college near the Vatican, checking to see who was baptized or had Catholic spouses.“They didn’t want to offend the pope,” Mr. Kertzer said. His book shows that Pius XII’s top aides only interceded with the German ambassador to free “non-Aryan Catholics.” About 250 were released. More than a thousand were murdered in Auschwitz.  In a nearby street, Mr. Kertzer bent down by one of the brass cobblestones memorializing the victims. Above him loomed the Tempio Maggiore, the Great Synagogue of Rome."

I remember standing on the lungotevere across the Tiber from the Great Synagogue reading a plaque on a wall commemorating the assembly of the Jews there in 1943 for shipment to Auschwitz.  Looking over my left shoulder I saw the Great Synagogue and the Ghetto; over my right shoulder, I saw one of the portals into Vatican City.  A striking experience, the gathering of the Jews for murder within eyesight, a stone's throw from the Vatican.  It hit me then, it hits me to remember it now,  27 years later.

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0913

 

September 23, 2022

In bed @ 10, up @ 6, but 6, perhaps 7 pss, and back pain in morning.

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    Tried to salvage the knockoff van Dongen and made some progress but errors corrected, new mistakes made.  Love the original, and so many van Dongen paintings, but just another reminder of why I'm not much of a painter.  I need to remember: anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.😞

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    QE II's body was flown from Scotland to London this afternoon (US time).  Watching the coffin being carried by RAF enlisted men, moving like mechanical men ('step, step, ready, halt') reminded me of how much I dislike that aspect of military life, turning men (and women) into robots.  Left, face.  Right, face.  About, face.  Of course, that is the purpose of military training, to turn men into obedient creatures, doing what they are told, how they are told, when they are told, so that when the time comes 'into the valley of death rode the 600.'  Or Marines storm the beach on Iwo Jima.  How well I remember the process.  Watching her motorcade arrive at Buckingham Palace, with the thousands of people lining the approach streets reminds me of putting on my Marine Corp second lieutenant uniform on Sunday morning, November 24, 1963, in our little apartment in Stafford, Virginia, to drive up US 1 to Washington to watch and salute as John F. Kennedy's body was transported from the White House to the Capitol to lie in state.  Can't remember where we parked or how we got to the motorcade route but I remember vividly the horse drawn caisson, the chill temperature in the 40s, the 'deafening silence' except for the sounds of muffled drums and the clacking of horse hoofs, including those of the riderless horse with empty boots reversed in the stirrups.  And I remember the word spreading through the crowd on the sidewalk that Lee Harvey Oswald had been shot and killed in Dallas by Jack Ruby.  And I remember the feeling I felt during that day - empty.  Almost 60 years ago - - - how much has changed.

    Also saw some coverage of King Charles III in Northern Ireland, with many citizens gushing over him.  I presume they are all Unionists, all Protestants.  Let's see what Liz Truss, the new PM, does with respect to the Northern Ireland Protocol in the Brexit treaty.  Northern Ireland is like Israel and the United States: unable to get past its Original Sin.

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    On the phone for just short of 45 minutes with an old high school classmate, college roommate for 3 years, and fellow NROTC midshipman Ed Felsenthal.  Returned his phone call which I missed on Sunday.  He had spoken for about half an hour with another of our roomies, Tom Devitt, a fellow Marine and like Ed, Vietnam vet, over the weekend, who appeared to be doing well, despite major hospitalizations over the last few years.  Tried to contact roommate Jerry Nugent, also USMC and Viet vet, but couldn't find his number.  Fifth roomie, Bill Hendricks and his wonderful wife Paula Bochiccio Hendricks, whom he talks to every few months, also apparently doing OK.  All of us are 81 or 82 now, keeping our fingers crossed.

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