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September 2, 2022 

In bed at 10, up at 4:20, 3 or 4 pss, almost 3 glasses of red.  Back pain continues.  Pain in feet and toes.  Abdominal  churning.

    One of the important lessons that painters learn, always the hard way, is when to quit.  It's a lesson not learned by the producers of The Morning Show.  Season 2 jumped the shark.  The main characters are all on voyages of self-discovery, including mostly how hurtful they have been to other people in their lives, and how they want to be 'better persons.' Mitch's apologia comes in the form of a mini-documentary filmed by Paola, Alex's comes in a live-streaming, on air, program while she suffers with very symptomatic covid-19, Bradley's comes through her new-found lesbianism or bi-sexuality AND through her search for and reunion with her troubled brother, Corey confesses his love for Bradley, and Chip appears to feel the same way about Alex.  All begging the question: will there be a Season 3?!?!?

    Today is another day of mostly taking up space, useless consumer of air and food and water and energy.  Makes me think of The Ballad of Narayama in which every member of a poor Japanese village, upon reaching the age of 70, must climb a nearby mountain to die.  The idea is that there are only so many resources available to the people in the village and all must work to maintain and contribute to those resources and that when one is too old to contribute and only consumes, one has a duty to stop living.  This reminds me also of Peter Freuchen's book Eskimo where I learned that Eskimo elderly when they can no longer keep up with the seal and whale hunting, are placed in an igloo to die while the rest of the family, with their sled dogs, pursue life-sustaining prey over the snow and ice.  Each day now I am mindful of Jimmy's approaching move to a new facility in Virginia and his pitiable life circumstances, not wanting to be alive, not in any meaningful way in charge of his life anymore, less and less capable of understanding what's going on around him even in his circumscribed world.

. . . . .

    Reading some Niebuhr:

" . . . . when collective power, whether in the form of imperialism or class domination, exploits weakness, it can never be dislodged unless power is raised against it. . . . Conflict is inevitable, and in this conflict power must be met with power. . . . Contending factions in a social struggle require morale is created by the right dogmas, symbols, and emotionally potent oversimplification. . . . The world of history, particularly in man's collective behavior, will never be conquered by reason, unless reason uses tools, and is itself driven by forces that are not rational.

Reminded of Oriana Fallaci: "No matter what system you live under, there is no escaping the law that it is always the strongest, the cruelest, the least generous who win."