1/6/25

 Monday, January 6, 2025

D+62

1494 The first Mass in the New World was celebrated at La Isabela, Hispaniola

1946 Pope Pius XII published his encyclical Quemadmodum

2021 Trump rioters stormed the Capitol

In bed at 9:15, awake at 4:99, and up at 4:10.  20°, wind chill 1°,  WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY.  Lake effect snow up to 3 inches and wind gusts up to 32 mph, wind chills around 1°.  Noon appointment with Dr. Ryzka, yech. . .  The advisory turned out to be a false alarm.   

Prednisone, day 237, 7.5 mg., day 52.  Prednisone at 5 with banana bread I baked yesterday afternoon.   Other meds around 7.

4th yahrzeit of the Insurrection is marked by the certification of the votes electing as the nation's chief executive and commander-in-chief of our military the man who summoned the mob, assembled the mob, and lit the flame of the attack on our government.  Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch’entrate)   In this morning's Times, Jonathan Alter wrote:' 

 “Like all Americans, I am outraged by the violence, lawlessness and mayhem,” Donald Trump said the day after the riot he inspired. Mr. Trump appeared to have crossed out the line in his statement addressed to the rioters: “You do not represent me. You do not represent our movement.” Even then, he couldn’t bring himself to say that. But he did say that they did not represent the country, and the guilt of those who ransacked the Capitol hardly seemed ripe for revision.

Of course it didn’t take long for Mr. Trump to move from condemning the rioters to celebrating them. And with his victory in November, the narrative of the most serious threat to the American Republic since the Civil War is suddenly up for grabs.

Back then, many of us comforted ourselves that for all the trauma, at least Mr. Trump was gone for good. Now he’s back, his election to be certified a second time on the same date in the same chamber desecrated by his insurrectionists.

NY Times series on regret.  I read Ariel Dorfman's contribution to the NY Times series "How to Live With Regret, a series exploring the nature of regret and the role it plays in all our lives."  On August 8,, 2024, in the introduction to the series, the writer asked "Who among us hasn’t spent at least one fitful night thinking over something we said or did that we wish we could take back — a cruel comment made in a moment of anger, the not-so-white lie we told our partner, the knee-jerk decision to quit a job or end a friendship."  One fitful night? If only!

No longer in Lethean foliage caught

Begin the preparation for your death

And from the fortieth winter by that thought

Test every work of intellect or faith,

And everything that your own hands have wrought

And call those works extravagance of breath

That are not suited for such men as come

proud, open-eyed and laughing to the tomb.

. . .  

Things said or done long years ago,

Or things I did not do or say

But thought that I might say or do,

Weigh me down, and not a day

But something is recalled,

My conscience or my vanity appalled.

W. .B. Yeats, Vacillation, stanzas 3 & 5

A fleeting but related thought at 7:54 a.m.,: My appointment with Dr. Ryzka is at noon so I have 3 hours before I have to leave the house and go into the 'winter advisory' weather.  These are 3 hours of my life that I will never have again, as precious as any other 3 hours in my life.  Each moment, each hour, each day.  Once we've lived in it and through it, it is gone, spent, exhausted, expired, unique and never to be repeated. 

I had this thought as I read the first essay in the Times' regret series, "The Emotion I Didn’t Expect as a New Parent: Regret" by Miguel Macias, a Spanish journalist.  He wrote

But life is long, and it has many chapters. We open new doors and close old ones. We change jobs, we marry, we divorce; we move to other neighborhoods, other cities, other countries. Friendships start, end or change over time. We are healthy, we are sick. We lose people we love. At every turn we leave behind versions of ourselves that we will never be and versions of our lives that we will never live. How can we possibly not second-guess anything? Not wonder how things might have been if we had made that other decision, taken the other job, gone on a date with that other person? If we don’t allow ourselves to feel regret — really feel it and come to some sort of peace with it — we risk being haunted by it.

 I am not a 'no regrets' guy.  I have regrets.  At the top of my list, I deeply regret not being more attentive to my mother after I left home at 18 especially after I married and had children.  I regret going 13 years without speaking to my father.  I regret letting good friendships lapse, especially Vicky Conte and Ara Cherchian.  I regret causing pain to those close to me.  I have deeply mixed feelings about some things, including my first marriage and divorce, my service in the Marine Corps and in Vietnam, becoming a lawyer, accepting the offer of a full-time position on the MU law faculty right out of law school, resigning my tenured position, declining to reseek tenure on my return, leaving the House of Peace and St. Francis parish, the list could go on but I don't want to dwell on it.

When My Dead Father Called by Robert Bly

Last night I dreamt my father called to us.

He was stuck somewhere. It took us

A long time to dress, I don't know why.

The night was snowy; there were long black roads.

Finally we reached the little town, Bellingham.

There he stood, by a streetlamp in cold wind,

Snow blowing along the sidewalk. I noticed

The uneven sort of shoes that men wore

In the early Forties. And overalls. He was smoking.

Why did it take us so long to get going? Perhaps

He left us somewhere once, or did I simply 

Forget he was alone in winter in some town?

August Third by May Sarton

These days

Lifting myself up

Like a heavy weight,

Old camel getting to her knees,

I think of my mother

And the inexhaustible flame

That kept her alive

Until she died.

She knew all about fatigue

And how one pushes it aside

For staking up the lilies

Early in the morning,

The way one pushes it aside

For a friend in need,

For a hungry cat.

Mother, be with me.

Today on your birthday

I am older than you were

When you died

Thirty-five years ago.

Thinking of you

The old camel gets to her knees,

Stands up,

Moves forward slowly

Into the new day.

If you taught me one thing

It was never to fail life. 

Dr. Ryzka.  Bottom line - stay on 7.5 mg./day of prednisone for now.  He will Prescribe Kevzara/sarilumab for me and hope it is approved by the VA.  It's an injectable, like Trulicity, and is expensive, $4,582.80 cash price for 2 pens, 1 month's supply.  If the prescription is approved, after the 2nd injection, I should drop to 5 mg. of prednisone/day.  Next appointment in 2 months.