1/13/2026

 Tuesday, January 13, 2026

1992 Gerry Boyle pleaded Jeffrey Dahmer guilty but insane

In bed at 9:25. moved to LZB with nasty pain in the back and both hands despite arthritis gloves, up at 5:20, same pains, hands worse.  35/23/47/34.

Meds, etc.  Morning meds at 1p.m.

Mickey the Mope.  I normally write in this journal in the early morning.  Today, I'm starting to write in the early afternoon.  I've felt half-alive and half-dead all morning.  I did some online research on Bradycardia and congestive heart failure this morning, so I won't be unaware of the possibilities on Thursday.  I talked twice with Nurse Kim Kitske at the Gold Clinic about the lack of information on my VA Myhealthyvet.com, especially the PFT I underwent three weeks ago and the results of the Holter monitor I wore between 1/2 and 1/6.  The plant in the photograph is a cyclamen I bought last Spring.  It seems to be on its last legs, thus reminding me of myself.  During Lilly's last year, she often reminded me of myself, growing weaker, failing.  Here's what my desk plant looked like when I acquired it:

I know I'm throwing a pity party for myself, being a wimp, but this is one of those days when I'm feeling pretty low, and I just give in to it.  Every day pain, worsening physical and mental condition, no reason to hope for a better future, indeed quite the contrary.  Thinking about Zeke Emanuel's article.  Some loneliness from friends long gone, and boredom from loneliness.    The heart research I did this morning  on Bradycardia, irregular heartbeat, fluid overload, etc., congestive heart failure, etc., ven mentioned sarcoidosis and amyloidosis, which made me think of David Branch's last months.  My former pulmonologist, Dr. Balachandran, wanted to do a biopsy on my lungs to see what the calcifications (?) in them were, but I declined because of my age, 73 or 74. which now seems youthful.